A Coaching Power Tool created by Lisa Sennhauser-Kelly
(Executive Coach, SWITZERLAND)
Background
In both a professional corporate environment as well as in private situations, people are faced with many challenges. How individuals deal with those challenges can influence the outcome. Being assertive is important in order that your perspective is understood by those around you. It is important that all points of view in a meeting, working group, or a marriage, are brought to play. Being very clear about your viewpoint can influence the environment or situation, and the outcome. Some people can be assertive in a corporate environment but are not assertive at home with their spouses. In some cases the reverse is true.
Definition of Assert
To assert something, according to MacMillanDictionary.com is to state firmly that something is true, to speak or behave in a firm, confident way. To assert yourself is to state your opinion firmly or confidently.
For example, in a corporate environment an assertive employee would always manage to assert his point of view, whereas a shy employee might find it more difficult to assert himself in a group or meeting.
Definition of Accept
While accept primarily means to willingly take, receive or agree to an object or an idea. (yourdictionary.com) it can also mean “to admit to; be resigned to” (Webster’s New World College Dictionary) or “to endure resignedly or patiently: accept one’s fate” (Yourdictionary.com) or Merriam-webster.com/dictionary to regard as “inevitable”.
It is the latter form of accept that we are comparing here … where someone chooses to take a passive role and accept – perhaps even endure, or regard as inevitable – a decision or perspective of another.
Balancing an assertive approach versus accepting the outcomes.
In a corporate environment one employee may feel he or she has to accept the decisions taken even if they are incorrect, rather than asserting their viewpoints. The same can be true in a private setting, there are people that always assert their views,
and others that choose to accept the status quo. By acquiescing to the process or to the mindset of others, the outcome may not be desirable for you or for the company or family. Diversity in a group brings creativity, but not if the individuals don’t speak up. It can be particularly difficult to assert your opinion if you are already different, e.g by gender or by nationality or culture, to the others in the group, however it is this diversity that makes the group stronger and it is important that each individual asserts his right to have an opinion and to express it.
Being assertive is not about having something you are not entitled to. It is about having an opinion or a perspective, and speaking up about it in an open manner. Whether at work or at home.
Self Application
Being assertive requires courage, more than facts. It requires one to be able to listen to one’s own voice, and to be prepared to speak up. It is having faith in one’s own knowledge, or at least, that one’s own knowledge is not less than another’s knowledge and skills. Accepting is always easier and potentially always “right” where you cannot prove it to be wrong. However accepting can end up with an outcome which is not desired, potentially also not desired by the other parties involved (the group, the team, or the family).
Coaching application
The coach can help a client become more assertive, beginning with creating awareness of skills and abilities, and encouraging the client to become more confident and to speak up and assert their rights. Here are examples of some useful coaching questions.
Can you imagine that it can work again this time? Do you see your partner being favorable to this outcome if you explain the circumstances?
Reflection
It is important that we are aware of our own levels of assertiveness. And it is important to help our clients see where they are assertive, and where they might be more accepting, and if there is a need to balance up the level of assertiveness vs acceptance in differing situations. Being aware of one’s level of assertiveness, and how that is perceived by others, can be a very powerful tool.