Courage
In The Gift’s of Imperfection Brene Brown references the Latin origin of the word courage as cor, meaning ‘heart’ stating that “courage originally meant ‘to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart’”. She writes that whilst the word courage today seems to denote heroic acts, courage is simply acting in accordance with one’s values. Living our lives in a way that is congruent with what deeply matters to us. Courage, by this definition, is the practice of aligning our actions, behaviours and choices with who we are on the inside (what we value as important and meaningful). For example: If you value kindness how is kindness visible in your actions? If you value peace, how do you create peace in your day? If you value honesty, how are you being honest with yourself and others?
If courage is practicing our values and stepping into our authentic selves, it’s also where we forgive ourselves (and others) for not always hitting the mark. Courage is rooted in risk and is not a perfect or certain practice, it’s simply a willingness to move the direction of our best selves, remembering that confidence is generated by taking action in the right direction, not necessarily by arriving at the goal itself. As Cheryl Strayed says during her talk The Humble Journey to Greatness (link in the references below) “the point is not to attain the perfect [yoga] pose, the goal is to reach for it”.
Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying ‘I will try again tomorrow’. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher
You exercise your courage muscle when you are open to being vulnerable, uncertain outcomes and embracing discomfort; humility is a function of courage, whether that is sitting with not knowing the answer, learning something new or seeing a situation from a different perspective. Our “courage zone” is where we to learn how to walk, make new friends, learn how to drive, travel to new places, start a new job, speak our truth, ask for help, have difficult conversations, say “I Love you” first, create supportive new habits, explore creativity and share your work with the world… the list is endless. Ultimately though, it’s where all the growth happens. And if we think back to when we were teenagers experiencing intense physical growth, where our bodies were changing both inside and out, it didn’t come without discomfort. There is something about growth that is uncomfortable by its very nature.
Courage = Learning = Change = Discomfort = Uncertainty = Vulnerability
Courage Zone v Comfort Zone
Below is an illustration of what’s on the outside of our comfort zone: learning, creativity and embracing change. Incrementally leaning into the discomfort of this can stretch our comfort zones to the point that the green space (“comfort zone”) would occupy the purple space (“courage zone”) pushing the courage zone further out:
Reflection questions
What is your relationship with fear?
A ship in a port is safe, but that’s not what ships are made for.~Admiral Grace Hopper
Fear has been with us since day dot, it is our lifelong companion. It’s a survival mechanism that aims to keep us safe from danger, pain or harm… it’s what stops us walking in front of oncoming traffic. Unfortunately though, it isn’t discerning. We experience threats to safety, both physical and emotional, real and imagined with the same intensity; therefore going on a first date, public speaking, learning how to drive, expressing our creativity, making new friends, going for the promotion, going travelling abroad for the first time could generate the same heart pumping fear response in our body as the fear of being in a car crash, terrorism or deadly spiders. Fear doesn’t differentiate actual life threating situations from those that could support personal growth and expansion. Fear is just fear, the interpretation is our job, and since courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to take action despite it the question is: what is your relationship with fear? Are you the ship that is safely anchored in port, or are you the ship that is busy doing what you are built to do – sail at sea?
In her book Playing Big Tara Mohr explores two different words for fear from the Old Testament, pachad and yirah that can help us interpret what kind of fear we are experiencing as a means to practice courage. By creating some awareness around different types of fear (because if we’re doing anything outside our comfort zone we will be experiencing some kind of fear) it can help us build a helpful relationship with it.
| Pachad |
Yirah |
|
| Definition from Playing Big | Over-reactive, irrational fear that stems from worries about what could happen, about the worst-case scenarios we imagine. | 1) It is the feeling that overcomes us when we inhabit a larger space than we are used to.
2) It is the feeling we experience when we suddenly come into possession of considerably more energy than we had before. 3) It is what we feel in the presence of the divine. |
| Alternate definition | Fear of the unknown that assumes danger and wants to keep us safe emotionally and physically. | Awe like fear of being humbled by stepping into a space larger than we are used to – The fear of dissolving a boundary. A fear that acknowledges our dreams and is scared that we don’t yet have the skills to make them a reality. |
| Example | The fear you will horribly embarrass yourself, the plane will crash, you’ll say something silly, there are monsters in the dark, your lack of talent will be revealed | Starting a business for the first time, learning how to drive, speaking up for oneself, exposing one’s creative self, travelling solo, becoming a parent, dreaming of being a teacher whilst simultaneously being frightened of public speaking |
| How does it feel | Nervous, anxious, restrictive, physical tension. | Nervous, anxious, expansive, a little bit exciting. Alive. |
| Practicing courage | This fear yearns to step back into comfort. Pachad tends to be focused on potential future outcomes so practicing courage with this fear could be inviting presence, getting curious and mindful in the moment. Soothing oneself with self-love. | A fear that invites you to remember what you value and to welcome, savour and lean into the discomfort. What small action can you take in the direction of this dream/goal/intention? |
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.~ Marianne Williamson
Self Application
A personal example of where courage v comfort showed up in my life recently was in taking a job after an 18-month break in employment. I had relocated to a new country and it took much longer than expected to get a work visa. This was okay as I was experiencing a new lifestyle, yearning for a career change and savouring coach training whilst investing many hours in peer coaching. When my visa was approved, rather than go back to corporate work I took the decision to work locally at the village pub. The money wasn’t great especially as I was planning to do part-time hours, but it was only 5 minutes from home and as a casual job, offered flexibility to focus on setting up a coaching business. It was another short-term financial sacrifice but I saw it as an investment – it felt aligned to my long-term vision of creating a lifestyle and a business I love. This decision felt like courage.
What happened next was unexpected. I really loved the work. It uses all the skills that come naturally to me and that I have developed in my life – connecting with and being of service to people. I was thriving. It felt empowering to earn money again and to be having fun in the process, however, being hospitality, which is perennially understaffed, they needed me to work full-time hours. Coaching started to fall by the wayside. It became comfortable to continue this path of earning money, having fun, not investing time into developing a coaching business (which was a new endeavour and thus uncertain and vulnerable) and not setting appropriate boundaries at work.
When thinking about what courage might look like, I remembered the long-term vision and making space for it to come to fruition. Even though I loved working in the pub, I knew that it was addressing a short-term financial and social need rather than longer-term financial freedom and meaningful work.
Integrity is choosing courage over comfort, choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them. ~ Brene Brown
In the end the conversation at work was uncomfortable but not as much as I thought it would be. The fear of having the conversation felt like yirah and having it felt like courage.
Reflection questions:
Reading list and references
Brene Brown (2010) The Gifts of Imperfection
Brene Brown (2012) Daring Greatly
Brene Brown (2015) Rising Strong
Cheryl Strayed (2016) The Humble Journey to Greatness http://www.supersoul.tv/supersoul-sessions/cheryl-strayed-the-humble-journey-to-greatness
Elizabeth Gilbert (2015) Big Magic
Tara Mohr (2014) Playing Big: Find your voice, your vision and make things happen