As we grow into adulthood, we learn to stop asking questions. We begin to assume that we know all there is to know—or at least enough to judge a situation or person. This means that the shift from innate curiosity to judgment is a learned behavior. It also means that we can learn to shift back in the other direction.
There are three key steps to making this shift toward living in a spirit of curiosity. The first step is awareness. We start by becoming aware of the times when we have made judgments about people and situations in our lives. This awareness stems from monitoring our thoughts and learning to notice how judgment feels in our bodies. This often involves a feeling of closing down or becoming shut off from others.
The next step is questioning that judgment when we become aware of its existence. At this point, we begin bringing the spirit of curiosity to light as we consider other possibilities for what we are observing, we ask open questions of the people involved, and we open to the willingness to be proved wrong.
The third step is being willing to remain in the space of not knowing. Living in a spirit of curiosity means staying open to new information at all times, always aware that there might be something we don’t yet know that would shed new light on the situation.
Does shifting to living in a space of curiosity mean that we can never make decisions about what we believe to be right or wrong? Of course not! It means that we hold those decisions loosely with the knowledge that we may find out more information at any time that might cause us to change our decision. This open, inquisitive spirit is the key trait that is present in curiosity and absent in judgment.
This is much like living life as a scientist explores the world. Scientists observe the world, develop theories that could explain their observations, and then develop experiments designed to test their theories. However, the scientific method tells us that theories can only be proved wrong; they can never be proved right. Therefore, scientists live forever in the possibility that future experiments could prove their current theories wrong (or incomplete). They hold their current theories loosely as the best explanations they have so far while always asking new questions of the world around them (via their experiments). This way they are open to discover what they do not yet know or understand with the awareness that the next experiment (question) may prove everything they thought they understood so far to be wrong.
It is freeing to live our lives as scientists in our own worlds. When we are able to hold our current understandings loosely while continuing to search for new knowledge, we remain fully open to growth and to life.
Self Application
As coaches, it is easy to see how letting go of the need to judge our clients, their lives, and their circumstances and instead approach them with curiosity is an integral part of doing our work. We practice doing this each and every time we work with a client.
How often do we carry that non-judgmental spirit of curiosity into our own lives, though? How often do we jump too quickly to judging ourselves or the people with whom we interact on a daily basis without engaging in curiosity?
As an example, think for a moment about driving in traffic. Can you remember a recent time when you encountered another driver that appeared to be driving in a way that was dangerous? Perhaps this other driver was driving too fast, weaving in and out of lanes of traffic, and not coming to a complete stop at stop signs. What thoughts went through your mind? Did you automatically assume that this other driver was a jerk? An idiot? Something worse? But imagine for a moment that you had a chance to talk to the driver of the other car and discovered that the reason for the driver’s hurry was that he or she had just received a call that a parent was dying in hospice and that it was urgent to arrive soon if there was any hope of saying goodbye. Would that change your perception of that driver? What if that person was rushing to the hospital because one of their children had just been in a bad car accident? Would you still think them an idiot?