Fran is now feeling somewhat ill-at-ease and frustrated with the pace at which the project is proceeding. Indeed she is also beginning to become angry with herself because she notices that she is not getting anywhere. She is still in the data collecting phase and the deadline for the presentation is coming closer and closer. And now stress arrives with Fran perceiving herself as unreliable.
How can Fran deal with this situation?
In the short-term, Fran needs to set realistic and attractive objectives that meet not only her needs for “input“ and reliability but indeed the timelines set for the project.
In the long-term Fran needs to step back and reflect on the situation. This is not the first time that she has found herself in a sea of information and short of time. It is crucial for Fran to become conscious of her high need for “input“ and at the same time to acquire an understanding of how “input“ can run away with her. Fran now needs to learn how to consciously dance with this talent –and indeed with her other talents.
Self Application
I could imagine that Fran’s dilemma is something we can all connect with and somewhere we have all been. And indeed it is a place where once in a while – if not on a regular basis – we find ourselves … a land of confusion, frustration, anger where our needs are not being met and our talents have become our weaknesses.
We only become aware that we are living our talents unconsciously – that our talents are living us – when we suddenly find ourselves feeling uncomfortable, ill-at-ease, misunderstood, lost and indeed ready to blame anything and anybody including ourselves.
From my perspective, the key to consciousness is self-awareness and this starts with knowing ourselves, our talents and the needs that lie behind them. While unlocking the door to consciousness is easy, the big question is how to remain there. For this we need to develop a working relationship with our talents. From time to time we need to consciously thank them for serving us well and to ask them to take a back-seat.
In Fran´s case this could have simply meant saying to herself
Enough is enough … I´m not planning to write a book.
Such conscious dialogues with our strengths keep us grounded and in the now.
Coaching Application
We can support our clients in making them aware of the difference between living their lives consciously or unconsciously by focusing on their strengths and the difference between living their strengths or being lived by them. One option is to focus on situations which have generated or still generate negative feelings. It is this information which informs us as coaches and our clients that something is not right and that the clients could in fact be standing in their own way.
We can create this awareness by asking our clients the following questions:
- How were / are you feeling ?
- What could have triggered / triggers this feeling ?
- What possible needs of yours were / are not being met ?
- What was / is happening here ?
- What options were / are there ?
It is during such an exploration process that our clients can become aware of the difference between living their strengths consciously or unconsciously.
From my perspective, it is very important to make our clients aware not only of the negative but the positive moments in their lives. This we can do when our clients share their wins with us. On such occasions, we can also explore which needs were possibly being met and indeed which of their strengths they could have been living.
Reflection
- What are your strengths ?
- Which needs lie behind your strengths ?
- How do you feel when you are living your strengths ?
- How do you feel when you are meeting your needs ?
- How do you feel when your strengths are living you ?
- How could a dialogue with one or two of your run-a-way strengths sound ?
- What could a healthy working relationship with your strengths look like ?
Literature
Marcus Buckingham/ Donald O. Clifton, Now Discover Your Strengths. How to Develop Your Talents and Those of the People You Manage (Pocket Books 2005).
www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/n/neale_donald_walsch.html (20/05/2013).