Coaching Application
Why is the “is-ness” important in coaching?
Coach
As a coach, being fully in the moment is integral to being able to support our clients. Imagine if you enter a coaching session bringing in past issues and concerns. We would view our client’s stories from a lens of our own, not fully supporting them. Rather, our actions and decisions would be clouded by our biases and baggages.
To coach with a “should” mentality is also to bring in a lot of judgment into the coaching relationship. A client enters into a coaching relationship, trusting in a space that is safe – supportive, caring, and above all, non-judgmental. A coach with a “should” mindset brings in a whole set of guidelines and standards that the client must adhere to, stifling the creative space that allows for growth and development.
How will you know if a client is living in the Shadow of Should?
Individuals who live in the Shadow of Should live in constant fear, anxiety, stress, and unhappiness.
According to Tolle, some common thoughts/underlying beliefs these individuals have are:
Until these individuals break these patterns of thought, they will forever fall victim to themselves, creating their own personal hells, suffering by choice.
How can a coach use it during sessions?
How then can we support individuals who want to move from Should to Is? By simply bringing more awareness to these thoughts, we allow our clients to shift from being stuck in blaming the past/future, to being fully present in their lives. This allows them to respond more fully to each moment, versus reacting simply on the basis of past experiences or future assumptions.
Some questions we can ask clients who seem stuck in the Should are:
How do you view the present?
Reflection (Questions to ask)
Some questions you can ask yourself:
References
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, Eckhart Tolle (Plume, 2006)
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckart Tolle (Namaste Publishing Inc, 1997)
Stephen Hawking: A Life in Science, Michael White and John Gribbin (National Academies Press, 2002)
Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl (Beacon Press, 2006)
http://www.hawking.org.uk/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Hawking#CITEREFWhiteGribbin2002
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl
You discover that there is only ever this moment. Life is always now. Your entire life unfolds in this constant Now.
Eckhart Tolle