Life can be approached in the same way. If we do not make a conscious effort to take the positive view, then we can easily find ourselves feeling angry and frustrated with family, co-workers, “the system”, and our lot in life. Here is another example:
A woman lived near a large river, and every day she had to cross the bridge at the bottom of her street to get to work. But the bridge was old and needed repair. Finally, the highway department announced that the bridge would be closed for the next 14 months so that it could be rebuilt. This meant that she would have to drive along the river to the next town and cross the river at that point, about 5 miles out of her way.
At first she was really annoyed. She arrived late to work on the first day and spent her lunch hour discussing all the trouble and traffic jams it would cause. But after a few weeks she became accustomed to leaving 10 minutes early and started to really enjoy the drive along the river. The scenery was gorgeous, the houses interesting and attractive. She even saw a Bald Eagle one day in a tree by the river. She began looking forward to the lovely drive each morning, and the return trip in the evening.
The bridge closure was a big topic of conversation, and several times a day someone would ask her how she was coping with the hassle and longer commute. They always looked surprised, and slightly baffled, when she replied that she was happy about her new commute and grateful for the excuse to enjoy such a beautiful drive twice a day. Instead of getting herself in a fluster about something she had absolutely no control over, she had chosen to turn this difficulty into an enjoyable experience.
Choosing to think, act and react with grace, humor and compassion transforms the way we experience situations and the exchanges we have with others around us. Giving yourself some quiet time each day for prayer or meditation, doing things you enjoy, such as reading, walking or gathering with friends, and getting in the habit of looking for the “silver lining” in any situation are all ways you can help foster a positive attitude throughout your day.
Coaching Application
If your client seems to be fixating on all the negative aspects of their life, there are a few steps you can take to help them shift their perspective:
Make it a game
First of all, you can point out to them that many of their comments or observations are coming from a negative perspective. Then, have your client try to become aware of each time they think or say something negative. For the first week, that is all they will need to do – just become aware of their negative and judgmental thoughts and statements. Then, tell them to play a game and see how many negative thoughts and statements they can change to positive ones. Making it a game will keep it light and take the stress out of it. Reminding themselves with positive affirmations like “I only think perfect thoughts” or “Letting go of negative thoughts and judgments allows my perfect state of health to emerge” can also be very helpful. With practice, your client will experience a lighter and sunnier outlook, which will spill over in to all other areas of their life.
Positive Visualization
Another good approach for the client who is stuck in a negative place is to do some positive visualizations. Determine an area they would like to focus on and help them visualize a perfect outcome and the steps they will take to reach it. This is another instance where creating positive affirmations that support their visualization can help your client to stay focused on the positive and continue moving toward their goal.
Self Care
Encouraging your client to exercise, eat well, meditate and pursue pleasurable pastimes is an important part of helping them shift to a more positive space.
Reflection questions:
- What am I grateful for?
- How many things can I find that bring me joy?
- Do my negative thoughts serve me? If not, how will cultivating a positive outlook or perspective serve me better?
- What negative statements do I make about myself every day? About others?
- If I could step outside my body and listen to myself speak, would I like what I hear?