Resistance could stem from an underlying belief.
Our actions are sometimes guided by an underlying belief that we are not aware of. It is a hidden belief that however determines how we react to situations around us. The underlying belief restricts our choices since there is a foregone conclusion about the new situation.
When you resist, you become rigid and are not open to new ideas. You bind yourself in chains and find it difficult to make new moves. You find yourself looking for fresh air because you feel closeted. You feel you are against a stonewall that won’t give way. You feel almost compelled to hold on to what you want.
Choices
Every time you enslave yourself to an existing idea, you are denying yourself the opportunity to experience something new. The change could mean an improvement over the existing state such as the opportunity to learn new skills, make new friends, see new benefits or quite simply to welcome a new experience. When you say ‘yes’ to change, you feel you are charged with a new energy to face the new possibility.
Embracing the situation could take one or more of the following forms:
Let me try this out. I may end up liking it
Curiosity is an invigorating energy that can broaden the array of one’s choices. When you are curious, you are willing to experiment and undergo a different experience, quite different from the familiar.
Here are the pros and cons of the alternative. This justifies my trying out this alternative
When you get past the initial resistance and give yourself the breathing time and space to assess the new alternative in terms of its advantages and disadvantages, you are using your rational thinking process to assess the situation. When you think rationally, you displace your unfounded fears and anxiety with a more realistic picture of the situation.
It can’t be all that bad.
Sometimes, you catastrophize the new situation on impulse possibly due to similar experiences in the past. When you actually take a closer look at the situation, you may realize that the new situation is not scary or threatening to your comfort as you made it out to be initially.
Let me let go of the belief I held on to.
This happens when you are aware of what held you back from adopting the change. This could come about with an increased awareness of the thoughts guiding the behavior based on a reflection on similar such situations.
Let me experience something new.
Life is composed of millions of moments, each bringing with it a new possibility for growth. When you embrace constant growth through metamorphosis, as with a caterpillar moving through a painful transformation into a beautiful butterfly, change could become an opportunity to grow into a better individual.
Coaching Application
Let us look at the example of Martha. As Martha’s coach, your first step would be to understand her goals- personal and professional. A client like Martha loves routine and wants to preserve it at any cost since it gives her security and peace of mind. At work, she loves being seen as an efficient and reliable manager. Ask Martha how the new accounting system threatens her values of security and mental peace. Ask her what helped her get to her current position in life and in her company and how she dealt with change in her life and career so far. Acknowledge her for the strengths that she has exhibited to deal with changes, such as adaptability and a positive outlook. Help her find those strengths in dealing with the current crisis.
What is it about the new system that causes stress? Martha became aware that her lack of knowledge about the merits and demerits of SAP and the implications for her department seem to be the chief sources of stress. Ask her how she can set about finding answers to all her questions about SAP and who she would like to enlist for support. When Martha realized that more information and knowledge could empower her to take the right steps, she requested her CEO for orientation sessions and interviews that would help promote her understanding of SAP. After 10 days of research and conversations, Martha felt at ease and was ready to chalk out a plan of transition to the new system.
Reflections
- What are the areas in your life where you exhibit resistance?
- How is this resistance showing up in your attitudes, behavior and in your body?
- What is the resulting experience when resistance is no longer present?
- How can you help your client wear down resistance to a specific situation?
Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is… The only problem in your life is your mind’s resistance to life as it unfolds.
Dan Millman