The idea of the Golden Mean has existed for thousands of years. It is at the core of both Eastern and Western philosophy and is central to the teachings of Aristotle and Confucius. The idea is simple. Every quality has extremes at both ends. The Golden Mean is the natural balance between these extremes. At this harmonious point goodness and beauty are achieved
Assertiveness can turn into aggressive behavior which is a little short of abrasive behavior, lack of standing up for your vision, thoughts can lead to victim hood and martyrdom. Extroversion is healthy, but, beyond a point. Individuals who are excessively extroverted have a tendency to behave in bold, aggressive, and grandiose ways. They like to be the center of attention, quickly bounce from one conversation or idea to another, and are prone to over-estimating their own capabilities . As such, extraverted leaders may be less likely to solicit input from subordinates and colleagues, potentially alienating organizational members who prefer that attention and credit be shared. Further, extraverted leaders who engage in short and shallow discussions with many people in an organization, might fail to provide a clear strategic focus for followers, ultimately making extraverted leaders hard to please. Lastly, as sensation seekers who maintain short-lived enthusiasm for projects, people, and ideas, extraverted leaders may make hasty decisions to pursue aggressive acquisitions or investments, and change course prematurely if returns on such investments do not materialize on an extravert’s bold and aggressive schedules. .The golden mean –Madhyama Marga in Buddhism also espoused by so many other religious processes indicate that the best path of progress does not support extremes in any form of behavior or thought, it indicates when one is obsessed with the goal ,the process gets unraveled and eventually due to the process not being followed, the goal is also not acheieved.This does not indicate one should not be serious about goal achievement ,resorting to extreme emotional behaviour is not ideal even if goals in one sphere is achieved.
There is great pressure to attain the highest level of achievement. We want to be the richest, most beautiful, and most well-liked because these virtues are glorified. But by indulging our vanity we do ourselves more harm than good. One of the ways to achieve sustainable happiness is to practice the Golden Mean.
Socrates used the example of extreme devotion to athletics versus extreme devotion to music to illustrate this idea. The athlete becomes overly aggressive and ferocious, while the musician becomes overly soft and effeminate. The ideal is someone who practices both athletics and music in moderation and acquires a harmonious mixture of both qualities.
EXAMPLE
Consider Two people, The first person is extremely career driven. Each day he focuses on advancing himself. He spends long hours at the office, competes mercilessly with his coworkers, and flatters his superiors. As a result he has almost no personal life. The second person’s only pursuit is leisure. He likes to waste time with his friends watching television and playing video games.
Which of these persons is superior? Many people would argue for the hard worker. But at second glance his life is rather cold. His obsession with success has alienated his coworkers and left him without a family. He may become rich, but how will he enjoy it? The second man is no better. He has wasted his life in laziness. He has refused to develop himself and exists as a parasitic leech. Both men are worthy of pity.
WHY DO WE INDULGE IN THIS PATTERN?
Since we consider it hardwired and an essential part of the societal code that we have embraced,we are lulled into believing extremes are good.In a rampact cycle of be more,want more ,have more ,we lose sense of our inner balance that tells us to slow it down ,become self aware and have a sense of moderation.Thanks to Social proofing,its fairly easy to delude ourselves that we shouldnt upset the social order,we need to be better than somebody .True happiness comes from becoming a better “you “ every single day .The gap between knowing and doing is where coaching gets in.
SELF APPLICATION
So how do we find the elusive Golden Mean? Do we have the right goals to begin with What are the intentions we seek when we set our goalsDo we set goals with the intent to dominate.Can we aspire for goals that are in between total selfishness and total selflessness .If we are helping ourselves and other people at the same time can we draw motivation from our ego driven side and from the part of us that wants to work for the common good. This type of goal setting is effective because whenever we start to lose motivation in one area we can draw from the other.
The next step to reaching the Golden Mean is to find if we know our limits. We need to know when one more project is going to stress us out. The idea is to maintain balance at all times. We need to police ourselves to avoid extremity. If we know when we are inclined to stray we have a head start on achieving balance.
Another step to achieving the Golden Mean is being aware of our personal needs. Sure we need money and success, but having good relationships with friends and family are just as important. Whenever we find yourself unhappy, lets take a moment to reflect on the reason. We will likely find that we have drifted over to one extreme and are feeling the consequences.
Ben Franklin said,
The wise learn from the mistakes of others, fools, scarcely from their own.
How to stop indulging in extremes?
Coaching Application :The wheel of Life
The coach can ask the client to mark his level on various parameters and construct a smaller wheel using the points made on the internal cyclical scale. When the dots are joined, the client finds that his wheel is not spherical and would not work if it were an actual wheel. Now that the client is aware that he is not exhibiting the same level of moderation in various aspects of his life ,the coach can start with areas he would want to start work on
The journey to develop a sense of balance begins with oneself. Self-awareness is the basis of Balance as it allows us to be aware, on a deep level, of our values and beliefs. It allows us to honestly acknowledge our strengths and compassionately own our weaknesses. Self-awareness leads to a greater understanding of our emotional reactions to events and our behavioral tendencies. Self-awareness puts us in a position to manage ourselves better.
From this position of increased self-awareness and with an increased ability to self-manage, we can more consciously choose goals that have value and meaning to us. With our goals and values aligned with our core being, the doing part comes naturally; effortlessly.
Reflections and coaching questions
1) Is there any emotion that you would characterize is in danger of becoming your most predominant emotion ?
2) What do you think would happen if you adopt a median path in this behavior?
3) How does your Wheel of life look ?
4) How would a sense of balance make you feel ?
5) Has there ever been a sense of growth and achievement when you have exhibited extreme behavior ?
6) Take each goal and check that it is aligned with your values and the core of your being. Do you resonate with that goal? If not, can you modify it to be in line with your values? Make your goals SMART by ensuring that they are: specific, measurable, achievable by you, realistic, and make sure you decide on when you would like to have achieved your goal by setting a time.
7) Now, imagine you have achieved that goal. What does it feel like? Look back from that point in the future and take note of all the necessary steps that got you to where you are. When you have finished, write down each step in the process.
8) Mindfully and compassionately ask yourself throughout the day: “Is this taking me towards, or away from my goal?”