A Coaching Power Tool By Margaux Cunin, Business Coach, GERMANY
How Can Intentional vs. Automatic Mode Help the Client
We live in a world full of stimuli and information. This fast-paced changing environment can push us to feel that we need to keep up with all information, explore all options and take all opportunities so that we don’t miss out. How can intention help the client to use the automatic mode more sustainably? How will intentionality in daily life help the client to overcome overwhelming feelings and reduce this automatic mode of reacting to life?
Explanation of Intentional vs. Automatic Mode
Some clients may feel out of control, that life is going too fast, that it is not going in the direction one plans it to go. Others may feel busy all the time but not have the feeling that their life is bringing them somewhere they enjoy. This could be paralyzing and overwhelming and might even in some cases, drive to burnout. Dan Herman named this trend “FOMO”: Fear of Missing Out. Mainly the people can’t commit as commitment is seen as giving up something else and they have difficulties refusing a new opportunity even if it’s not matching who they are, how they feel, or what they like. This is reinforced by the common idea that being busy is seen as positive and necessary to have a status. Otherwise, one would have failed in life. At work, and exacerbated during the COVID pandemic, being more available even outside of regular working hours is becoming more “normal”. Blending the private and working time could support more flexibility but also requires one to set up and establish clear boundaries that will not be the same for all and might not be understood by the colleagues or the family.
In all these situations, there is a misalignment between values, dreams, and what the person is doing on an everyday basis. The person might be driven by the social conditions, the trends, and what is good to be done, in summary, one might be more driven by the environment rather than his or herself.
We can compare this kind of situation to an autopilot mode on a plane: When a pilot is flying a plane on autopilot, control of the plane is given to a machine. The pilot does not need to stay focused on the actions he needs to do but relies on the alarms and signals of the autopilot system to determine actions and decisions. The main advantage of this mode is that it gives the pilot mental and physical space to focus on other tasks like navigation and communication with others. The pilot is also avoiding multitasking. The same freeing up of mental and physical space is afforded to the co-pilot. This has the added benefit of being more rested and the possibility to be more efficient in critical situations like take-off and landing or any situation that requires decision making that is not planned in the system.
To be able to use an autopilot system, the pilot needs to prepare it: a course or a direction will be set just like in a GPS, different parameters that are relevant and important for the travel to happen in good conditions are selected and determined. Some parameters are standards for every flight, and some are specific and dependent on the environment like weather conditions, geography, duration, etc… Only when this preparation has been done, the autopilot or automatic mode will be able to give the expected positive results for the pilot: fly the plane in the correct direction and alert when it requires attention. If this preparation is not done properly, the results will not be there, and it will for sure create more stress for the pilot than benefits.
Going back to our client in coaching, we can derive that the client needs to “prepare this automatic mode”: Meaning, the direction needs to be clear, set them in their routines, habits so that mental space can be gained in order to focus on other activities like socialization, hobbies, work, etc… This could be translated as “being intentional” about your day or life. An intention is defined as “a determination to act in a certain way” and it can be applied to any aspect of one’s life. This helps to make the appropriate decision, feeling calm and confident about the future as the person is taking ownership of it to create what one likes.
Contrary to the autopilot system of a plane, which can be turned off quickly, this might not be the case for autopilot in our life and one might need time to successfully manage these two modes adequately to be able to live our lives intentionally. This can be supported by coaching.
Intentional vs. Automatic Mode in Life: Steps to Getting There
Helping the client gain intentionality in life can be achieved with several steps and could be repeated as much as one needs.
First, as an analogy to the autopilot mode, the coach can support the client to set the goal(s) one would like to achieve or go towards. This vision of the future should be aligned with the client’s values and beliefs and should bring positive feelings when thinking about it. The following questions could be helpful :
- What do you want in life?
- What is making you feel alive?
- Reflecting on your past experiences, what elements contribute to your experience of joy?
- How does this future resonate with you?
Exploring and defining what is bringing joy in one’s life can be quite enjoyable but also challenging when the findings might not align with the beliefs one has about what a “good” person should do.
A second step to support a more intentional life can be to identify “Have To’s” that the client tends to take automatically even though it does not support the vision of the future. These actions are a consequence of beliefs that one needs to identify and deconstruct to be able to free oneself from them. This takes courage to “let go of things that no longer serve the purpose (even when it goes against convention) and to pursue things that make one feel alive”. Identifying and naming the fears that are underneath and reflecting on which belief one can have/use instead will support the transition to living a more intentional life.
By having this self-reflection on actions and beliefs, the client will gain awareness that will then help to let go of certain actions.
The last point I would like to add is prioritization. Once one knows the goal to be pursued and is aware of the actions and beliefs that support this goal, prioritization will help to not feel overwhelmed with the number of options but also be able to take the appropriate decision that will bring one closer to the intended goal. By doing so, one can achieve an internal sense of balance and peace of mind but also a commitment toward this specific choice that will then have more chance to be successful.
Create a Habit Action Plan to Shift From Automatic vs. Intentional Mode in Life
Having been close to burnout where I needed to take several months out of work, without obligations to feel in real control again, this topic resonates a lot with me. It takes time and energy to keep our intention and not return to “being busy” mode as a necessary condition to be a “good” person. Human Design explores the fact that everyone deals with energy differently. Projectors for example can’t create energy on their own and are usually more tired and can’t do as many activities as other profiles. On the other hand, they are mainly more efficient in short periods of time than others. Taking the generators, they can create energy and are usually initiating new activities.
Being aware of these parameters and this diversity of persons will support the creation of realistic intentions as well as appropriate actions/habits to achieve them.
One will probably require several attempts to create an action plan of habits and intentions that will fit one’s life. Also, a regular lifestyle review will be needed to pursue the intentional life one would like to have as the environment will have an impact on it, but the response to it is essential.
I also experienced that focusing on one thing that I know is right for me is making me feel relaxed and I can experience the “Flow” as described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his book.
References
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/fr/dictionnaire/anglais/intention
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/fr/dictionnaire/anglais/on-autopilot
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/intention
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/automatic%20pilot
https://www.simplyfiercely.com/be-intentional/
https://lucemiconsulting.co.uk/be-intentional/
http://www.danherman.com/The-Fear-of-Missing-Out-(FOMO)-by-Dan-Herman
http://www.danherman.com/method.html
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. New York, NY: Harper and Row.
https://www.humandesignlifecoaching.com/