A Coaching Power Tool Created by Inge Van Den Wyngaert
(Life Coaching, BELGIUM)
How comes dumb stuff seems so smart while you’re doing it? Dennis the Menace
People are often encouraged to behave normal. We all seem to accept that normal is the easy and optimal way to behave and to deal with a situation. Normal is accepted and encouraged, it is – after all – the norm.
When we do what we normally do in any given situation, it goes automatically and therefore seemingly effortlessly. Life is busy and the paste is often fast. Most of the time, we do not have or take the time to stand still and reflect. In fact, most of the time we are happy when things are normal and we know what to expect.
However, is normal really the best approach to our lives? Maybe, sometimes, normal stands in our way to live a better life, and we don’t even realize it, because when things are normal, why worry about them?
With this tool, I would like to encourage people to check if they really feel comfortable with normal? Is it really is the best way to go?
The normal vs comfortable power tool is particularly aimed to discover the hidden inconveniences in our lives. These might be small and in se not very spectacular, but they can have a serious impact on the quality of our lives. It’s not about the big underlying believes that may hinder us to live truly fulfilling lives, but it is about the little practical stuff taking time and energy that can be better spend otherwise.
He did nothing in particular, and he did it very well W.S. Gilbert
Some definitions
1. definition of normal:
2. definition of comfortable
adjective
Lisa, an example…
Lisa has 3 children, a hard working husband and a job she loves. Four days a week, her children stay in after-school-care. She picks them up on her way back from work and cooks dinner for them. Her young children are always tired, and Lisa is stressed most of the time.
But, this is the way Lisa has always done it. She is actually proud that she manages to combine all her tasks so successfully. Her friends admire her and often complement her. Her husband is grateful that he can organize his work freely, knowing that Lisa takes care of all the rest.
Lisa does not have time nor takes time to reflect on her life. She accepts the way things are going as normal and therefore just.
However, encouraged by her coach, Lisa took the time to reflect. She realized she did not like the stress and she did feel bad seeing her children so tired. Keeping the focus on her values and life purpose, she also knew she wanted to keep her job, both because she liked working and because the family needed the money. She knew she couldn’t count on more help from her husband since his job required long hours and frequent traveling.
However, there were a few things she could do. These steps required some energy and time. Also emotionally Lisa found it hard to change because she liked being self-sufficient and asking help was not a normal thing for her to do.
With the support and encouragement of her coach, she decided to try anyway, listed some actions and moved ahead.
After a few discussions with her boss, she was allowed to work from home 2 afternoons in a week. She also talked to her parents-in-law who actually were happy to take the children home after school one day a week.
For Lisa, both steps were out of her normal spectrum, because she did not like to ask “favours” from others. However, in the end, she and the people she cared about felt much more comfortable: Lisa’s stress level was much lower, her children were relieved to come home after a busy school day, her parents in law were happy to help and see their grandchildren more. In the office, more employees were allowed to follow her example since it proved to work well.
For all involved, the situation became more comfortable and Lisa gained extra time and energy to focus on goals that connected to her life purpose and values.
Coaching ourselves…
As a coach, it is important to live our coaching essentials and beliefs. This is probably the best way to convey them to our clients. Therefore, we need to check if our normals are really comfortable.
Take a paper and a pen and think about a normal day, from the moment you open your eyes in the morning till you close them again at night.
Check all your routines:
Working with the Wheel of Life may help us to realize which area takes a lot of our time and energy, but gives little satisfaction and fulfilment: specify the percentages you spend time on the several tasks and projects. What takes too much of your time? Where do you feel the time you spend doing it is not in balance with the result it provides?
Or a simplified version: make an overview of your typical, normal day and score all your actions form 1 to 10. Low scores for the ones that make you feel unhappy, frustrated and tired, the higher scores for the ones that give you satisfaction and energy. Let’s now focus for a while on the “bad” scores. Anything you can do about them?
Of course, some of these routines might be unavoidable, part of life, normal… Not everything in life is perfectly how we want it to be. However, some of them might be up for improvement just by giving them some – or a lot – of attention.
Reflecting on our own normals, can help us to help our clients to reflect on theirs.
Coaching our clients…
Conclusion:
making a purposeful life more comfortable…
The exercise of making a conscious shift from normal to comfortable is a small but significant step in enhancing our chances of living according to our true beliefs and principles. When our days are cluttered with uncomfortable items on our agenda, living our true purpose might be hard to achieve.
The other way around is equally true. If clients are not clear on their true life purpose and goals, they will more automatically choose to do what seems to be normal, especially to the outside world, even if this is not the optimal choice for them.
Spending some coaching time to gain clarity on what we normally do in our lives can be very valuable in order to achieve the best life we can possibly have.