Put Your C.A.P On: Heroes and Villains vs. Being Humain

A Coaching Power Tool By Laetitia Bertrand, Life Coach (Confidence and Inspiration), FRANCE

Heroes and Villains vs. Being Humain

It All Starts With Stories…

A story is defined as a description, either true or imagined, of a connected series of events. It can also be a lie.¹

Stories make us who we are, regardless of where we come from on the planet. We have all grown up with (different) stories that taught us about each other, ourselves, and the world. Then little by little, we learned to create our own stories. 

Since they are descriptions, that implies at least one characteristic of a story is that it is shareable. Therefore, anything can be made into a story, including our very lives, making us all de facto storytellers. As such, we can all communicate our stories in the form that feels most comfortable to us. Here is a sample of different forms: written, spoken, artistic, visual, digital, and using virtual reality² – and each of those categories has sub-forms. 

Stories are a matter of perspectives and choice “But there are two sides to every story. The hero and the villain. The dark and the light.[…]”³ 

And There Is a Duality to Them…

Heroes and villains are general character tropes found in stories. They are on the extreme opposite sides of the spectrum in the universal theme of “good vs. evil.” Both can take different forms; let us take a look at them in turn: 

• Humans: Real or fictional, they can be of any gender, skin color, place, and social class.
• Supers: Similar to humans, they can come from outer space or another earth and have powers or superhuman abilities.
• Anthropomorphic⁴: Animals, creatures, natural phenomena, or objects that behave like humans. They can speak and have feelings and thoughts – think of Simba in The Lion King or Groot in Guardians of the Galaxy. 
• Personified⁴: Similar to the sort above, they are figurative, meaning the animals, creatures, natural phenomena, or objects can be given human traits or abilities. However, they are not actually doing something human – think of your laptop freezing or clouds dancing in the sky. 

Put Your C.A.P On: Heroes and Villains vs. Being Humain

This paper will focus on the reality-based versions of heroes and villains. 

A human hero⁵ is on the side of light. Heroes are seen as brave and admirable. They are loyal and true, capable of achieving great things, overcoming obstacles, and fighting for the “greater good.” They often have a strong moral compass and value other people’s lives, sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice. While this definition still stands in our modern world, it can also seem too restrictive to impressive acts of heroism; therefore, we will include more minor heroic everyday acts as well. A personified one helps you by making life easier, making you feel more safe, loved…

So where do we find the heroes in our lives? That is easy; they are everywhere! We often say that not all heroes wear capes, and really apart from fictional heroes, it is hard to think of many that do. Instead, it is easier to think about that stranger who paid for your bus ticket home when you realized you had lost your wallet, that colleague who helped you finish a project despite being busy themselves, firefighters, or that teacher who believed in you. What about your toddler’s binky or teddy bear, which “reassures” them or “saves” you from tears? Or a special pair of shorts that gives you confidence when giving a presentation?⁶ Binkies, teddies, and shorts do not reassure, save, or empower; they are just there. We give them extra significance and imagine scenarios of what would happen with or without them.

On the other hand, a human villain⁷ is on the dark side. They are self-serving and deeply flawed. Considered in the wrong, they can be cruel and have corrupted morals. As for the hero’s definition, our modern world might see this definition as too narrow, so we will also include a watered-down version of villainous acts in this definition. They stop the protagonist or a hero from succeeding in their task, and at the very least, they manage to hinder the hero’s progress. A personified one makes you feel negative and disempowered…

So where do we find the villains in our lives? That is easy; they are everywhere too! One of the first things that pops into our mind when we think about villains is usually that evil laugh, right? Switch that to someone’s abusive partner, the driver who cuts you off on the highway, that bully in high school, or the boss who overloads you and expects it all “yesterday.” What about that concept that does not stick to your brain? That bike that reminds you of a fall? That tax document making you anxious, or the weather event that damaged your home and scares you when a less intense similar event happens? As for the “good” personifications, the concept, bike, weather event, and document are not doing anything. We assign them emotions and abilities based on their place in our stories.

…but We’re in Charge of Our Stories

The opposition in this paper is all about perspectives – between heroes, villains, and humans because we are the main characters in our own stories, and who we are, first and foremost, is a human being. Evolution has given our minds the capacity to process our world in an unconscious, instinctive, and crucially, conscious way. This conscious way of interpreting the world permits the narrative construction of stories⁸. It allows us to make sense of a situation and decode it to inform our behaviors and our perspective of ourselves. When we can think of ourselves in a specific way in our own stories or assign others (and things) a character trope, we can reflect on and choose perspectives.

As human beings, it turns out we are not just the narrators (storytellers) who label our roles in our stories -internal phenomenon- and who choose how we communicate it to others; we are also the story crafters deciding the direction of the story, and the character living the experience. Those three identities feed off of each other. Our decisions as crafters are influenced by our experiences as characters, and how we recall, appreciate, and tell our stories impacts our experiences and decisions. 

Besides, stories are interwoven together, just like humans. Therefore while “[…]we are the main character of our story, we are only a secondary character in everybody else’s story“⁹ and the roles we play can be more varied on top of being interpreted differently than simply the heroes and villains we have described above, especially since stories have more than one angle. 

Coaching Perspective, Using Story Characters and Our Humanity

Generally, plants and animals can only react instinctively; we, conversely, can react and act to situations. Our actions can be symbolic because our past, desired future, and the people in our lives are influenced by them⁸ – in other words, our stories and secondary characters. 

So, what happens when we feel stuck, unfit to act, or like everything we do is wrong and do not know what next action we could possibly take? We put our C.A.P. on, of course!

Let us look at what C.A.P stands for as if you were the client : 

Catch the Current Perspective

The coach asks questions meant to raise your awareness of your current perspective, such as : 

• “What is the story you are telling yourself?”
• “In this situation, from which angle are you looking at things ?” 
• “What character are you being ?” 
• “How is it serving you ?” 
• “What are the others’ roles in your story ?”

You, as the client, are the only one with the answers. Those answers are usually the way to notice limiting beliefs.

Analyze the Whole Story

Regardless of how many other people or what things are involved, your life is your story. Hence you get to explore each angle and determine your choices. Go around and test out different ways of looking at things, behaving, and thinking of yourself. The coach can help you reframe limiting beliefs, notice blindspots and challenge them, or support your thinking by asking questions like :

• “What else could be true ?”
• “What part of the situation have you not explored yet?” 
• “What other angles can you think of?”
• “How would you describe the situation to someone else ?”

The coach also helps the client think beyond their original narrative with questions such as  

• “What alternative ending would you prefer to this story?” 
• “Considering you said you want outcome X, how do the story and your role need to change?”
• “How will this new ending support you to change?”

Pick the Perspective

Once you have analyzed your possibilities, shift to the perspective that best fits you. In this situation, it is a perspective, belief, and role you are not used to, and the coach can support you by asking questions such as 

• “How does this new perspective make you feel ?”
• “If you could do it over again, how would you do it differently with this new perspective ?”
• “Now that you have identified the new perspective you want to operate from, what needs to change in your behavior/mindset from your previous perspective?”
• “What obstacles do you feel could come your way?”
• “How could you work with these challenges and experience your new narrative?”

Using the Power Tool: Client Examples

Client 1: The client thought of themselves as a “villain” at work, surrounded by the company’s “heroes.”

• Catch the current perspective: The story he told himself was that everyone else was doing a great job converting leads to sales, except for him, so he was hindering the service’s success. It was not serving him, but that was the only way he could label the situation.
• Analyze the whole story: It was not his first time working in sales, but his first time working in this industry and through the phone instead of face to face. 
• Pick the perspective: He shifted from “I am the villain” to “I am somewhat of a newbie,” and he decided to ask for more shadowing and help from his colleagues. His perspective of them went from “heroes” to “experienced colleagues and teammates” He realized no one was particularly good or bad in this situation, just humans with different strengths.

Client 2: The client felt hopeless when she thought of a paper she had to write because she could not figure out how to tackle the topic. She ended up seeing the paper as a “villain” standing in the way of a good grade. 

• Catch the current perspective: The story she told herself was that she was avoiding her homework because she was not capable of writing that specific paper. After all, that paper’s topic was too hard for her.
• Analyze the whole story: It was not her first paper; she had written plenty in her first two years in college so she was capable of writing, but she did not understand the purpose of this one and was rebelling. Besides, it required more effort and research into things that did not interest her.
• Pick the perspective: She shifted her perspective from “I am hopeless” to “I am a hero” when she remembered this quote “If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes”¹⁰ after being asked, “How would you describe the situation to someone else ?” She described the paper as “a dragon in her kingdom.” Her perspective on the paper ultimately was not changed; it was still “the villain,” but she redefined its shape in a way that worked for her. She stayed in the metaphor, saying something like “Dragons that were seen as a danger had to be dealt with, regardless of if you feel like it or not” and decided to “forge her sword in the fire by researching,” “bring her sidekick to battle by asking a friend to be her accountability buddy” and ultimately “slay the dragon by writing her paper.”¹¹

We are the sum of the stories that came before us, the co-occurring ones we hear of, and the moments in our own stories when we have called upon different parts of ourselves to reframe a situation or achieve an outcome. 

With the support of a coach, it is sometimes helpful to take a step back and check that the characters part of our main cast serve us as well as we imagine. The trick is to remember that we are not dependent or prisoners of tropes; they are tools we can use. Indeed, we can try on different characters and use the most appropriate one according to our needs – whether heroes, villains, or any others – our minds can come up with, and the cast can be extensive.

References

1 https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/story
2 https://brilliantio.com/what-are-the-different-forms-of-storytelling/ (Forms of Storytelling According to Means of Expression)
3 Author Marissa Meyer in Gilded
4 https://prowritingaid.com/art/812/anthropomorphism-%26-personification%3A-what-s-the-difference.aspx
5 https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/hero
6 https://www.bu.edu/articles/2015/superstitious-lucky-charms/
7 https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/villain
8 https://epdf.tips/the-cultural-animal-human-nature-meaning-and-social-life.html Roy F. Baumeister
9 Quote from Miguel Ruiz. I changed “you” to “we” for ease of readability. The original quote was “The same way that you are the main character of your story, you are only a secondary character in everybody else’s story.”
10 Quote from Andrew Solomon
11 Those are not exact quotes from the client as the session wasn’t recorded, but it was close to that.