4. Examples of going and growing through life
| Going through life | Growing through life |
| Being busy chasing the “Next Big Thing” and believing that “more” & “different” equals to “better”. | Being deeply connected to your inner guidance and allowing life to unfold as if by design. |
| Doing more, creating goal lists and life plans makes the most sense as the primary tool to create results you want. | You have developed a laser clear clarity in your vision, mission and purpose in Life. Your actions are based on this clarity. |
| Experiencing success in your external life but feeling empty on the inside. While meeting your goals, you keep asking yourself is this all there is to life, is this all that I am here for. | You look for the meaning behind your discomfort, you turn off your head and turn on your heart. You listen to the messages your heart sends you and act on them. |
| Viewing your job, money and other things that you can create or get outside of yourself as the source of your wellbeing & happiness. | Seeing your external possessions as a bonus and a nice playground to have fun in while understanding that you need absolutely nothing outside of yourself to make you feel happy and fulfilled. |
| Recurring experiences of stress, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, insomnia, weight problems, busyness, lack, scarcity, dullness, overwhelm etc. | Allowing yourself to be broken open by adverse events & difficult emotions. Seeking for the deeper purpose and lesson in every experience. |
| You try to protect yourself from the inevitability of change. You resist the lessons that change brings and isolate yourself (physically / emotionally) from other people and the world around you. | Embracing the continuously changing nature of Life. Understanding that things can and will be different from how they were before and how they are now. Allowing change to happen when it unfolds instead of approaching it from a place of denial and resistance. |
| Thinking in terms of good/bad, right/wrong, black/white. | Choosing to look beyond the labels and embracing the richness of Life. Consciously looking for opportunities to see things from a different perspective. |
| Viewing life, progress and change as a linear and rational process. | Twists, turns, backtracks, and side excursions are part of every journey. They are gifts in disguise, guiding you forward on your unique path. |
| You view life through the lenses of self-doubt, fear, limiting beliefs and emotional wounds. You are being held back by unquestionable “truths” in different areas of your life. | You allow the layers of your false identity to be peeled away until you remember who you were born to be. |
| Choosing the known discomfort rather than unknown freedom | Surrendering to the unknown world of possibilities |
| Measuring your value as a human being by external success or failure, money, possessions, appearance etc. | Knowing without a doubt that the metrics of success which you choose to believe in will determine the course of your life. |
| Prioritizing taking action, creating results and outcomes. | Focusing on bringing your energy in to alignment with what you want first and taking action only after that. |
| Believing that your past, your circumstances, other people and the world dictate your experiences. | Understanding that your life is created by your thinking on a moment by moment basis. |
| Living in the past or the future; being unconnected to the present moment. | Having your awareness completely centered on the here and now. When you live in the present, you are living where life is happening. |
| Ego | Authentic self |
| Believing that you are not enough, there is something deeply wrong with you that needs to be “fixed”. | Understanding that you are naturally whole, creative + resourceful. |
| Being dissatisfied with the conditions in your life, but convinced there is nothing you can do about them. | Understanding that you are experiencing your thinking, not your circumstances. Opening up to the endless source of miracles that lie beyond your everyday thinking. |
| Reacting | Responding |
| Being attached to the illusion of knowing, your beliefs and the past impressions of the situation happening right now. Being judgmental based on similar events or circumstances that happened in the past. | Approaching life with a Beginner’s Mind. Letting go of the need to be an expert and giving yourself permission to continue learning and growing. |
| Trying to figure it all out. | Watching peacefully how things unfold. |
| Believing that your experiences in life comes outside-in. | Knowing that your experiences are created inside-out. |
| Staying in your comfort zone even when you have a deep longing for a more fulfilling life. Resisting change and playing the coulda/woulda/shoulda -game. | Understanding that your comfort zone is keeping you small and that it actually shrinks the more you stay in it. Making a conscious decision to keep expanding and evolving. |
| Repeating everyday routines as if you were sleepwalking through the days of your life. | Showing up regularly for powerful inner work, setting intentions and letting yourself to be guided by your inner wisdom. |
| Trying to control the outcomes in your relationships, work, etc. You are afraid to let go because you don’t know what would happen if you did. | Even though it feels scary, you let go of the need to micro-manage the universe. You consciously disattach yourself from the one and only “right path” and open yourself up to an endless source of possibilities . |
| Life is happening to you | You are consciously participating in life. |
| Being attached to your self-image, status and possessions | Asking yourself “What am I attaching my self-worth to?” Releasing yourself from the limiting belief that you can only feel worthy and confident in the face of certain prerequisites. |
| Focusing on what you don’t want and feeling like a victim. | Searching for the deeper meaning + message behind the negative thought patterns that run through your mind. |
| Getting into a battle against what is. Trying to fix, change, fight against or deny the reality. | Asking yourself whether you are having a “tunnel vision” regarding your external difficulties and what might be the real source of the conflict. |
| Viewing yourself as a human being | Knowing that you are a spiritual being having a human experience. |
It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. Theodore Roosevelt
5. Reflections
Think of the following exercises as a gift you can give yourself. Taking time out of your busy life to reflect on who you are and what your purpose in life is, is absolutely pivotal in creating a shift from merely surviving your life to living a purpose-driven life defined by spiritual growth. To make the exercises easier for you, you may break them into 8-10 (or more) parts and complete each of them over the course next couple of weeks. As you begin, keep in mind that working on the questions will be a first step on the never-ending adventure of growing into yourself.
In the end, you’ll be glad you made the investment.
1. Take an honest look at your life and the path you are on right now.
Use a journal to reflect on the following questions:
2. Connecting with yourself at a deep level is absolutely pivotal in order to understanding your life’s purpose and finding a higher meaning in the everyday things that you do and experience. The following questions are designed to help you become more self-aware and explore your mission in life.
Finish the following sentence stems with at least 10 answers to each one:
- I am…
- I love…
- I fear…
- I long for…
- I will…
- I will not…
- I choose…
Imagine having a conversation with your Wise Self, the part of you that already knows your life’s deeper meaning and purpose. What advice would your Wise Self give you at this point in your life? Write down anything and everything that comes to mind without censoring or trying to construct grammatically correct sentences.
Imagine sitting in a conversation with yourself in 10/30/50 years time and answer the following questions:
3. Think about the people you admire. How have they overcome pain, challenges and adversity in their own lives? In what ways have the people you look up to used the difficulties they have faced to discover and live their life’s purpose? What advice would they give to you right now?
4. Reflect back on your life and the times you felt most alive and happy, most connected to passion, purpose and consciousness. What were you doing then and who were you getting to be? In what way could this information be of service to you now?
5. If you are in a process of creating a shift from merely going through life to growing through life, having a solid support system is crucial for creating lasting transformation. If you don’t have one yet, it is important to start building it immediately. To help you get started you might want to ponder the following questions.
Make a list of all the people you know (family members, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, coaches, mentors, physicians, therapists, teachers etc.) Examine the list to determine who supports you, builds your self-esteem, nurtures you and keeps you on track and is there for you unconditionally. The aim is to become more conscious about whom you want to be around and whom you might want to let go of. What practical steps could you take to seek out more positive and supportive people and role models into your life?
Make another list that consists of different types of supportive environments you are currently part of or that you would like to join. Then, take action in cultivating your own community of like-minded spirits and positive circle of influence. The aim is to create a network of people who’ll support and inspire each other’s growing journey and highest path.
6. What self-care practices do you currently have that support you on your growth? What other regular rituals could you incorporate into your daily life that would support your wellbeing and serve you in becoming more self-aware?
7. Are there people (including yourself) that you are called to forgive, let go of and make peace with? Forgiveness has the power to completely alter the course of your life. With forgiveness, comes also freedom. When you are truly ready to get your hands on the wheel of your life, it is time to work on letting go of past resentments towards yourself and others. Here are a few suggestions that can help you get through the process, starting from where ever you are.
First, realize and acknowledge what is going on inside of you. You might be holding onto old hurt, anger, blame, resentment etc. However difficult these things might be to admit, it is an essential part of your growing journey.
Make a list of all the people you feel have wronged you in some way of who you feel you need to seek forgiveness from.
Take time to really experience your feelings. Give yourself the permission to feel the full scale of emotions associated with your resentment towards the people you have committed to forgive.
Write down the consequences your negative attachment has to you personally and on a broader level. What will happen if you forgive (name) or if, on the other hand, you won’t? From now on, what are you willing to accept and not accept in your life?
Make a commitment to doing whatever it takes to heal from past hurts and become completely free from the pain that is eating away your life force energy.
Recognize that your distress is coming from the thoughts that you have about what happened to you, not from what actually happened.
Visualize yourself breaking free with forgiveness. Create forgiveness affirmations, write them down and leave the reminder cards in various places where you’ll see them throughout the day. Each time you see the affirmation card, read it and think about what it means. One such forgiveness affirmation could be: “I fully and freely forgive ______________ (person’s name), and I am now released. Negative patterns no longer limit me. Peace, understanding and good will reign between ______________ (person’s name) and me.” or “I forgive everyone in my past for all perceived wrongs. I release them with love” (Louise Hay).
Ask your Wise Self what divine purpose lies for you in forgiveness. What if all that has happened to you is no mistake? What if all that has come on your way has happened for your highest good? Release the need to know or even understand the underlying spiritual reasons for your experiences. Just surrender to the knowledge that all is happening as a part of the divine plan to your life that is playing itself out.
Visualize your ideal life that you feel you are called to step up to. In a process of forgiveness and letting go of the past, it is important to imagine your future as you’d like to experience it. Dive into that mental image and allow yourself to really feel all the sensations it brings. Then, create another image where you take back your energy from the people you are in a process of forgiving. Feel the same kind of loving, releasing and revitalizing energy towards yourself too.
Remember that forgiveness is a profoundly spiritual process and takes more than simply saying “I forgive you / myself“. Be gentle, patient and loving towards yourself at every step of the way.
Ask yourself: What is the healing opportunity in all of what I am going through?
8. Take time to discover who you really are, what you stand for and what kind of a life you want to create. Open yourself to an endless source of possibilities and cast your dreams high in the sky. Give yourself some quiet time to tap into your inner wisdom and connect with your core desires, what you stand for and where you want your life to go. Then, write a vision statement that gives meaning and context to every single area of your life.
Here are some questions you might want to consider as you go through the process:
- When my life ends, what will I be most grateful for having done, achieved, seen and been?
- If I never had to work another day in my life, how would I use my time, gifts and talents?
- How do I want to feel and what are my core desires?
- What makes me feel most alive, radiant, happy, fulfilled, joyous…etc.?
- What do I most believe in?
- What type of impact do I want my life to have on other people?
- How do I want my world to be?
- If I could have the kind of life that would make my heart sing, what would it look like?
- If money were no object and failure wasn’t possible, what would my career / relationships etc. be like?
- What do I want more of in my life?
- How does what I do affect other people?
- When do I feel most myself?
- How do I want to feel about myself?
- If I wasn’t afraid, what would I do?
- What would an ideal day in my dream life look like?
- What must occur in my internal and external life so that when I die, I will consider my life to have been deeply meaningful, abundant, satisfying and well-lived?
Once you have pondered these questions (and others that you may feel pulled to address), you are be ready to create your personal vision statement. Focus on the end-result, not the process of getting there. Write the statements in first person and as if you are already making them happen in your life. Focus on what matters to you the most. Shift your perspective from what you want to be doing to how you really want to feel. Also, make a point in being proactive instead of reactive; focus on what you truly desire instead of what you want to move away from. And last but not least, be bold, creative and playful and put aside your old beliefs of what is and isn’t possible for you.
Once you have created your vision statement, sit down and meditate on it. Call it in with all of your senses. See yourself living the life you have visualized. Then, when you are in a place where you can feel your vision, make a commitment to taking action every single day to fulfill your vision. Remember, without movement, there is not growth.
NOW is the time to decide on the rest of your life. We are all guided to find the hidden possibilities, lessons and gifts that are disguised in the challenges we face. It is up to you to decide what path your life will take from now on. Will you go or grow through your one, precious life?
I will not die an unlived life
I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.~ Dawna Markova ~