FINDING BALANCE
Let us reflect for a moment on this question:
Do needs OR desires exist to serve you or for you to serve them????
A great ascetic scholar Imam Ghazali stated that Needs and Desires exist to serve men, for a purpose, they are Means and never to be taken as Goals, otherwise it will lead to self-destruction.
Survival needs are Means to what? Spiritual needs are Means to whom?Intellectual needs are Means to where?
In another word;Safety and security needs exist to keep me alive.Love is there to help me connect with others and guide my heart.Pain is there to teach me wisdom and leave me with learning experiences.Growth needs are there to create for me awareness.
All of those needs are there to serve and teach ME. ME is here with all those needs, potentials and wisdom, to serve what?
To search for our purpose, to recognize our values and to reclaim our true selves, to set our prioritiesand commit to them with confidence, is the only way to set a strong foundation to a balanced life.
Carl Jung identified a process of personal growth that he called” individuation”, which is essentially the conscious realization of true self, beyond the Ego that is presented by our conscious self, he believe to help people developthemselves is essentially helping them realize that their personal perspectives and conscious ideas are only a small partof who they are, and the more we try to develop and defend the superficial “self”, the further away we get from our trueself.
Reflection
What are you focusing on from day to day?Are you crystal clear about what you really love to do and want to be in life? Are you leading your life or life is draggingyou?Can you recognize your needs? Which of human need are you meeting now through your behavior, and which ones youneed to develop for personal growth?
How can you overcome personal growth barriers?
Coaching application
How does a coach work with a client like Amal, helps her to allow some personal growth while acknowledging survivalneeds? Exploring two perspectives that are connected but not opposite?
Help her to overcome the barriers of fear and self-doubt?
First as a coach, it’s important to attentively listen to Amal, to establish a trusty relationship, a safe space where Amalcan express herself openly and freely without judgment. Understanding her survival needs, and acknowledging her feelingof responsibilities toward her children’s future would help tremendously in creating that trust and comfort zone.
Tools for shifting perspective Wheel of life:
The wheel of life is a great tool to assess the client’s different aspect of life, it’s a creative way to start:
The scale is set at one to ten but would you ever give aten in this context – how high could you go?’
Invite the coachee to start wherever they wish, advisedby this question:
‘How content are you on that scale, with this at the moment?’
Repeatfor each segments, in the order the coachee decides, if willing.
Now ask them to do the same, but advised by this question:
‘What reasonable objective do you have for each of these scores over a reasonable time-frame?’
The coach may then explain that some segments may have more general impact than others or the gap may be more significant (to them) than others. Ask them, on the basis, which segment would be the most useful for them to explore first.
Visualization
Visualization is a powerful tool which help the client maintain their hope of achieving their goals and dreams. By using visualization , the client is taken through a vision process where the end goal is seen and described in details; How does it look like? Smell like? Taste like? Where would it be? What is your feeling? who is around? what would you be doing that moment? Who would be your clients?
The client would draw a complete picture of their end goal and dream, live those moments which help them believe that the end goal not only seem possible but reachable.
Visualizaton is a powerful strategy for looking at life purpose, values and life vision. It can be used for long and short-term goals, also for specific task to help overcome barriers.
They are so many life vision tools and excersices you can find on this web:
http://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com/life-plan-life-vision-exerciseideas/
REFLECTION
How can we use those tools to help Amal shift perspective? How can we help her cross financial barrier? What truly is her survival needs? How can we honor her feeling of security and still help her to move forward?
What changes can she make in her lifestyle to help her financial stress? Who can support her with those changes? what would happen if Amal gave in to her believe and submit to reality as she called it?
REFERENCES
E.Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Denise L. Schmitte, Ph.D, American Psychological Association.
Personal Growth Barriers.
Personal-Growth-counceling.com
Break the cycle; True self and subselves.
Peter Gerlach, MSW.
Personal Growth
BSM consulting.Inc
ICA powertool; Trust vs Doubt, Action vs Delay, Commitment vs Trying
International coaching academy.