A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. – John Henry Newman
And so I share my creations… and as I do so I am smiling!!
Many sayings and experts stress the importance of making mistakes as a prerequisite to creating and achieving great things. Following is a poem that we as coaches may share with our clients to support and inspire them in their quest to do things differently. To walk down a different street.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in, again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit… But
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down a different street. Anonymous
Coaching Application
Clients may be experiencing perfection paralysis, fear of failure and the corresponding self-criticism telling them whatever they do will not be quite good enough.
The view we adopt for ourselves profoundly affects the way we lead our lives. It can determine whether we become the person we want to be and whether we commit to and accomplish the things we value.
In coaching we can support our clients in changing their internal monologue from judging to a growth orientation, enabling more effective pursuit of their goals. In applying the work of Carol Dweck, the first step in changing from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset is to tune in and learn to hear your fixed mindset voice. What is it saying to you about challenges, fear of failure or criticism? The second step is to recognise that you have a choice. How you interpret these messages is a choice. Next, talk back to your fixed mindset voice with a growth mindset voice.
Fixed mindset: “What if you fail—you’ll be a failure”
Growth mindset: “Most successful people had failures along the way.”
Lastly, act with a growth mindset, taking on the challenge wholeheartedly, learning from setbacks and trying again, hearing the criticism and acting on it. Everyone can change and grow through application and experience.
Working with clients on taking ownership and gaining more insight into their own past bravery can be a good start for developing a more courageous lifestyle. Fear of the unknown is a common problem that holds people back. According to Biswas-Deiner, the extent to which a person can picture a successful image in detail increases their ability to act bravely.
For people who are afraid of public speaking, for example, I recommend that they explore the venue, stand on stage, sit in the audience, and imagine the applause at the end of the talk, rather than the nerve-wracking time on stage.
As coaches we encourage our clients to embrace mistakes; not tolerating mistakes, embracing them, and understanding them as unavoidable, and an important part of learning and growth.
An exercise for reflection for the coach and clients:
Think of a recent mistake you have made and list all the things you can learn from it.
A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions, as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all. – Friedrich Nietzsche
Another exercise:
Set a goal for yourself. Write down the benefits and growth potential of the goal. Be as specific as you can. When your confidence wanes or you feel like giving up, pull out your list and remind yourself of what you can gain by moving forward.
We also support ourselves and our clients with the use of structures and practices, and stress reduction techniques such as deep breathing, exercise, or meditation to reduce anxiety.
Questions to deepen awareness and support the client in exploring how perfection may be influencing their quality of life and reframing towards a more creative approach and empowerment.
- What am I afraid of?
- What is the worst thing that could happen?
- What is the best thing that could happen?
- What can I learn from this experience?
- What would exist that does not exist now?
- What would be happening that does not happen now?
- What decisions would be made and executed?
- What hurdles do you anticipate?
- How can these be part of the growth process?
- What accomplishments would be in place that are not now?
- What patterns of behaviour currently in place could be eliminated?
References
Ben-Shahar, Tal (2009). The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life. McGraw-Hill
Ben-Shahar, Tal (2012). Happiness 101 with Tal Ben-Shahar. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-RVECUWOGQ
Biswas-Diener, Robert (2012) The Courage Quotient: How Science Can Make You Braver. Jossey-Bass
Brown, Brené, (2012) Daring Greatly. Gotham Books
Brown, Brené, (2010) The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden
Brown, Brene, (2010) The Power of Vulnerability. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Dweck, Carol, (2006) Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books
Dweck, Carol
Contact Georgina Adams
Email: ga@georginaadams.com.au
Website: www.georginaadams.com.au