A Coaching Power Tool By Tuba Mutlu, Personal Development Coach, UNITED KINGDOM
Definition of Fear vs. Knowledge
Fear
Fear is a powerful and primitive emotion. In ancient times fear was pivotal to protect one from regularly faced dangers and specific life-and-death situations. However, as humans evolved, in today’s society, fear can show up in additional ways, such as fear of uncertainty and fear of failure.
Although in ancient times, fear’s primary function was to avoid harmful situations, such as preventing snake bites and snakes. However, in modern society, fear is associated with the unknown, anxiety, and mystery, even with imagining the worst-case scenario besides protecting one from damaging conditions. Fear can save one from dangerous situations but also can hold people back from achieving their full potential.
From time to time, everyone experiences occasional fear sometime in their life. Such as the unsettling feeling in the gut before an important event or a big presentation. However, persistent anxiety, especially imagined fear, can impair one’s progress to reach their goals and even prevent one from performing daily activities.
When fear persists, it can cause anxiety, worry, sweating, stress, and tightening of muscles. It can interfere with basic tasks such as sleeping and working. Fear can also create mental obstacles affecting people’s behavior and decision-making skills.
Fear of the unknown can hold one back from taking steps to move forward to the life they want to live, but they are too scared to take action to take steps to move forward. It can rob one of experiencing new opportunities. Fear of failure can stop one from chasing their goals and dreams. Fear of being unheard can prevent communication. Fear of rejection can create insecurity and unworthiness, which can hold one back from looking for a job or seeking a new relationship with a new partner. Fear of missing out can make one make the wrong choices to please others.
Sometimes fear is imagined, mainly when focusing on the worst-case scenario rather than considering all the possibilities and directions it can go. It can cause unnecessary anxiety about a situation which may go a few different ways, primarily if you focus on everything that might go wrong. Imagine a mindset where one focuses and imagines the worst-case scenario. What if my CV needs to be better?/What if I don’t get the job?/What if I get rejected?/What if I freeze in front of others during the presentation?
Fear of failure can consume one, causing a lack of motivation, lack of confidence, and low set esteem. Moreover, it can stop one from working towards realizing their goals because they are too anxious about failing and being judged by others, rather than what can go right and how they would feel when they succeed.
When one is afraid and fearful, one feels blocked and stuck in one place. Being stuck in an anxious mindset is like being stuck in a dark tunnel without light. With a fearful attitude, one can question what if they make a mistake. What if they make the wrong choice? What if they fail? How humiliating would that be? What would others think about it?
Let us take a step back and ask ourselves, how this fear serves us? What kind of life do we like to live? What kind of experiences do we want to have?
Although it is sometimes essential to protect us from harmful situations, fear can impair us and cause stress and anxiety. Luckily there is an antidote for fear. Which is KNOWLEDGE.
Knowledge
Knowledge is the opposite of fear. Knowledge starts with being curious and taking steps to understand the fear one is facing. Curiosity initiates research, and research leads to learning, and learning leads to having knowledge. Knowledge is power. It is the power to drive one’s desire to make informed decisions and take action toward achieving what one desire. Understanding where the fear stems from helps one to have a growth mindset, which allows them to see the situation from a different angle. For example, how satisfying it would be to achieve their goal.
To tackle fear, one must understand their relationship with it, where it stems from, and how it prevents them from living the best version of their lives. Through Knowledge, the unknown can become known, and as understanding settles in, one can take the right action.
Think about a situation where you were frightened off. It could be anything from looking for a new job or enrolling in a new course, which is necessary to move towards a new career and personal development. What got in the way of sending your CV and contacting the recruitment agencies? What stopped you from enrolling in the course? What were the consequences of not taking steps forward? How did fear get in the way? What opportunities did fear cause you to miss?
Next time you’re frightened by a situation or the unknown, the willingness to question where your fear comes from and how it serves you can help you overcome fear instead of accepting it as it is. You can research and seek people who have been through the path you intend to go and how to overcome the possible roadworks. Knowledge can open the jar of sweets and help you see things may not be as bad as you fear. In fact, the knowledge one gain is like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and walking toward the light.
Fear vs. Knowledge in Coaching
Clients will have fear. When they seek coaching, they will come to us because they are stuck and something is preventing them from moving forward. Sometimes it may turn out that fear is the culprit. For example, they may fear being alone and therefore choose to stay in an unfulfilling relationship or fear rejection. Consequently, they may procrastinate applying for a new job or fear failure and criticism, thus not sharing their opinions with others.
Learning to overcome fear is similar to problem-solving. As coaches, we can help clients understand their fear stems through questions and observations. We can help our clients identify their fear, understand the underlying beliefs holding them back from achieving their goals and help them realize how limiting fear can be for them. They can see how it prevents them from achieving their goals, preventing them from taking action and covering their choices with a smoke screen.
Knowing where their fear comes from and understanding their dysfunctional relationship with anxiety can help the client recognize their excuses. How familiar is this statement “it is a dumb idea anyway, it is not going to go anywhere, so I am not even going to try it.” Is there any truth to this sentence? Where does this statement come from? What makes the client think they will fail before even trying it? As no one has a crystal ball to see the future, how can one be so sure that their idea will fall in the first place?
Knowledge is golden. Once we ask questions to invite the client to look deeper into understanding their fear, and as awareness settles in, there is an opportunity to investigate information. They can equip themselves with understanding and knowledge about possible challenges and roadblocks they may encounter. We can encourage the clients to look into success stories to understand what success looks like and what steps others took to overcome the same fears. This can help the clients see challenges as a learning experience and design strategies to overcome their fears. Once they see that the worst-case scenario may be just the result of their fearful perspective, they can clearly see the choices and paths available to them to make the right decision.
We can help clients review their goals and set new and inspiring ones for themselves. With the knowledge they gained now, we can encourage them to ask themselves what the life they desire looks like. Or, with the knowledge and awareness they achieved, what steps can they take to move forward? Is their goal attainable, and are they willing to commit to it? What steps are they going to take to achieve it? Can they break it down into mini steps and acknowledge their success with completing each step?
How to Overcome Fear vs. Knowledge
To summarise, fear is an intuitive emotion that can help one avoid harmful situations and prevent one from achieving their potential. The first step is to come face to face with one’s fears. Once we identify where the fear originates, we can step forward to equip ourselves with knowledge through research and investigation. Finally, we can create awareness and encourage the client to gain knowledge about their fear by asking:
- What if success awaited you on the other side of the door?
- How does fear serve you on this occasion?
- What makes you think they will reject your application?
- What could help you to overcome the fear?
- What did fear prevent you from achieving so far?
- What if fear wasn’t there, what would your next step be?
- Where do you think this fear comes from?
- How did fear of failure serve you so far?
References
Team Tony (N.D.). 10 Easy Steps to Overcome Fear and Achieve Success. [Online] Tonyrobbins.com.
Www.psychologytoday.com. (N.D.). What’s the Opposite of Fear? | Psychology Today. [Online][Accessed 4 Nov. 2022].
Guy-Evans, O. (2022). Fear: Definition, Symptoms, Traits, Causes, Treatment | Simply Psychology. [Online] Www.simplypsychology.org.
Engel, K. (2022). Knowledge and Understanding Can Overcome Fear and Anxiety. [Online] Strategian Science [Accessed 4 Nov. 2022].
Psychology Today. (2019). Fear | Psychology Today. [Online]
Ekman, P. (2019). What Is Fear? | What Causes Fear? | Paul Ekman Group. [Online] Paul Ekman Group.