A Coaching Power Tool By Laura Davison, Empowerment Coach, UNITED KINGDOM
What Does Expecting the Worst vs. Preparing for the Best Mean?
Whenever we take a chance and enter unfamiliar territory or put ourselves into the world in a new way, we experience fear. Very often this fear keeps us from moving ahead with our lives.[1] – Susan Jeffers
The majority of clients who seek the support and assistance of a coach do so because they wish to fulfill their dreams, achieve their goals, discover their purpose, and generally improve their overall happiness, however they are often unable to accomplish this by themselves due to a lack of confidence in their ability to undertake this transformation successfully. They unsurprisingly reference past experiences of perceived ‘failures’, and the subsequent feelings of shame, guilt, rejection, and self-doubt, which fuels an inherent fear of failing again in the future. Ultimately, this can lead to an emotional state of paralysis, thwarting the client’s ability to recognize and create opportunities to maximize their own potential, as they are already prepared to accept defeat.
This proclivity to ‘attend to, learn from and use negative information far more than positive information[2] is referred to as Negativity Bias and explains the human tendency to focus on and respond more to undesirable events and stimuli. Whilst this was once useful in our evolution(for survival from predators)it no longer serves the same purpose, yet it has been argued that it may still be present in our early stages of development, as small children are quicker to ‘avoid potentially harmful stimuli in the absence of learned information about ambiguous stimuli[3].
As adults, the impact of Negativity Bias can be detrimental in many areas of our lives, including our relationships and workplace environment. With a tendency to consider negative actions as more critical than positive ones, we might place too much significance on one small misstep and make pessimistic assumptions about others, which can impact our own behavior towards them and damage relationships with colleagues and friends. Kahneman &Tversky claim that ‘by focusing or over-emphasizing the potential negatives of a decision, research shows that we become more inclined to avoid risk’,[4] which can stifle our competitive advantage, personal development, and future progress.
Our view of the world has a fundamental tendency to tilt towards the negative, and we have to work harder to see the up- side of things.[5] Alison Ledgerwood
Despite being conditioned to expect the worst – by directing our attention towards recalling and preventing adverse outcomes –it is entirely possible to address this imbalance and encourage an equal, if not greater, emphasis on positive experiences instead; by acknowledging past achievements, increasing self-awareness, and reframing the client’s perspective to prepare for the best.
I have personally battled with the crippling consequences of Negativity Bias, and it led to an increased level of anxiety about the past, present, and future, especially when recalling negative comments from others, taking constructive feedback as personal criticism, and overlooking many successful achievements in the shadow of a few perceived ‘failures’. I realized that I was looking to the future with this same fearful lens, which was extremely limiting and was not allowing me to consider and embrace new opportunities and adventures that lay ahead, for fear of reliving the same experiences of the past. It required effort, courage, and commitment to curate a more positive outlook; using gratitude journals, vision boards, and affirmations, to redirect my energy effectively, and shift my future expectations from failure to success.
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail– Benjamin Franklin
Expecting the Worst vs. Preparing for the Best Power Tool
The application of my coaching power tool, ‘Expecting the Worst vs. Preparing for the Best’, offers the client the limitless opportunity to see their own future as a blank piece of paper, free from any preconceived notions of failure, as they are finally open to envisage the best possible outcome and start to define their own measures of success. This process allows a safe space, free of judgment, shame, or guilt, for the client to explore their aspirations outside the confines of their current reality. At this moment, they are uninhibited by the expectations of family, religion, social norms, and comparison to everybody else. They can form their own classification of triumph and victory, rather than subscribing to the standards of others, which means that they also are free to set their own parameters for failure and establish a path to success.
Success is defined as the achievement of something that you have been trying to do.[6]Once clients have identified a clear objective, they are then able to refine and evaluate the necessary steps to take, identify potential obstacles and how to overcome them, and ascertain accountability measures to ensure that they stay on course and execute their plan effectively.
Success is where preparation and opportunity meet[7]– Bobby Unser
Suggested questions, to invite the client to consider this shift in perspective, are listed below.
- What would you like to do if you knew that you could not fail?
- What does success look like to you?
- What do you need to address, in order to ensure success in this situation?
- How would you like to feel when you achieve this goal?
- Instead of preparing for the worst, how would you prepare for the best?
- What steps might you need to take, to move forward and prepare for the best possible outcome in this scenario?
- What would be different about this situation if you were only expecting to be successful?
- What would happen if we removed your current perceived obstacles to being successful?
- What might the ‘successful’ you in the future say to the current version of you now?
A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension’.[8] – Oliver Wendell Holmes
In a coaching context, the application of this power tool has already proven to be an inspiring turning point for clients during their sessions. One particular client was stuck in a negative cycle of thoughts about an upcoming lifestyle change, as they were reflecting on their previous experiences and the detrimental effect on their well-being. Their enthusiasm and commitment to forging a new path were being overshadowed by an overwhelming fear of and comparison to ‘the old way of doing things, and they had concluded that the most likely outcome of their goal would be failure… they were already preparing for the worst.
Failure can become our most powerful path to learning if we’re willing to choose courage over comfort’.[9] – Brené Brown
Ultimately the client faced an opportunity to accept the current situation and continue on this path or take proactive steps to achieve a different result. In order to halt the unconstructive spiral of fear, I asked, “what would you do if you were preparing for the best?” This question immediately forced the client to stop looking to their past for evidence of certain disappointment and instead they were empowered to expand their mindset and unlock a new perspective of their future; free from financial burdens, imposter syndrome (guilt), and concerns about what others might think (judgment and shame). They began to acknowledge the strength and resilience they had learned, which they could rely upon to achieve their goals, and they were free to dream without limitations and consider changes outside their comfort zone. They were able to differentiate between perceived obstacles, such as the opinions of others, and actual obstacles, such as geographical restrictions and their working environment. Once the client had identified the obstacles that they needed to address, they were able to start forming a plan to manage this effectively and create a positive ‘to-do list’, which would motivate them to succeed.
All you have to do to diminish your fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way’.[10] – Susan Jeffers
As Robert the Bruce, King of Scotland, famously told his troops in 1314, “If at first, you don’t succeed try, try, and try again”. He was certainly not prepared to fail in battle; however, he was also aware that his success might not be immediate and would likely be the result of multiple attempts, adaptations to his plans, and ultimately remaining committed to achieving his objective. It is essential to maintain this focus on confidence, perseverance, and positive progress during coaching sessions, as clients navigate their way through the uncertain waters of change in any and every aspect of their lives. Humans are fundamentally hard-wired to concentrate on the negative and expect the worst, however with powerful questioning, encouragement, and support, it is entirely possible to shift their perspective to be more positive and ensure that their transformation is a triumph!
Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, and others make it happen.– Michael Jordan
References
‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway – Susan Jeffers
https://positivepsychology.com/3-Steps-Negativity-Bias/
‘Getting Stuck in the Negatives (And How to Get Unstuck)’ – Alison Ledgerwood | Ted X UC Davis
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/Dictionary/English/Success
https://medium.com/@angela_74200/4-Powerful-Benefits-To-Being-Prepared-dd0a84871aea
‘The Heart of Laser-Focused Coaching’ – Marion Franklin
‘Rising Strong’ – Brené Brown
https://brenebrown.com/Articles/2018/03/13/Courage-Comfort-Rumbling-Shame-Accountability-Failure-Work/