A Coaching Power Tool Created by Evangelia Kalouptsi
(Leadership/Business Coach, UNITED STATES)
…the pathway to fulfillment, happiness & freedom!
Leaders live by choice, not by accident.― Mark Gorman
Every moment, every second we make decisions, consciously or unconsciously, we choose how to think, feel and act. We have dreams and desires, but sometimes our choices or actions are not aligned with what we truly want. The more we act contrary to our aspirations, the more divided we feel within ourselves.
Our choices are mainly affected by our insecurities and fears, as well as our capacity to withstand pain and discomfort. Thus, it’s important to become aware of what is affecting our decisions. Then, it’s our call to decide whether we want to be the Leaders in our lives, i.e. direct our performance or activities towards a certain goal or result and exhibit the strength to accomplish it.
I will explain, how mastering in making cognitive choices that are in alignment with our authenticity and profound desires leads to fulfillment, freedom – reflected in the absence of necessity, coercion or constraint in our choice- and happiness.
Coaching Application
Is it your belief that you don’t have the power to run your life?
Have you ever been in a position where you have set a goal but you lack the energy or time needed in order to realize what seems to be what you want to accomplish? Do you feel frustrated or disoriented?
Are you governed by disempowering beliefs?
Do you want to progress but you cannot set aside past traumas and forgive the people that have deeply hurt you?
Are there times when you cannot control your mood, thoughts or feelings?
Are you afraid of making a change in your life?
Do you feel that you have run out of choices?
What is the real cause of your frustration?
What if someone told you that even when you believe that you don’t have a choice, you have just made one?
I would like to invite you to consider the example of former South African President, Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years in prison:
“I realised one day, breaking rocks that they could take everything away from me, everything, Page | 2 but my mind and heart. Now, those things I would have to give away, and I simply decided I
would not give them away.” Even in a prison, Nelson Mandela found choices to make; choices that showed a commitment to freedom, to love, to independence and to moving forward. Thus, it’s important to realize that, in each and every occasion, even in circumstances in which we are affected by other people’s behaviors, actions or thoughts,
We choose how to think, feel and act.
So it’s crucial to recognize this reality and search for the incentives that determine our choices. As soon as we learn how to identify the dynamics that lie before our choices we can increase our ability in making conscious decisions. In addition, we can decide on the quality of our decisions and our commitment towards freedom or disempowerment.
While freedom seems to be one of the finest qualities that a person may enjoy, it is not as easy and craved as somebody would thing. Freedom implies and is linked with responsibility and effort. When we choose to exercise freedom, we recognize our responsibility with regards to the outcome of our choice on us and on others. We also accept that we should go through the effort and discomfort in order to exercise this choice. So, if we are not ready to withstand the responsibility and strength entailed, we may unconsciously select to give away our freedom. This way we remain within our comfort zone and blame someone else for what is affecting us and we don’t like.
Our self-determination is also restricted when we act impulsively. “I may not like having some extra kilos, but when I see a chocolate I cannot stop before eating the whole bar!” In this case my choice is coerced by my unwillingness to control my stomach.
Our choices are also affected and guided by our fears and insecurities that we carry for years… lots of times since childhood. These could be our major constraints in moving forward. The moment we look through our fears and decide to set aside the insecurities that were formed by other people’s opinions and actions we make a huge step ahead. This step involves self-awareness, self-acceptance and forgiveness, embracing the diverse element we may discover or experience. The moment we forgive ourselves, we make the first step towards forgiving others. We get liberated and can set ourselves in motion!
Thus, the challenge lies on making choices, which are a result of a liberated behavior. What does that require?
It requires our willingness to withstand the pain or discomfort that a liberated decision
implies. The more we dive in self-awareness and self-control, the wiser and freer choices we can make which are guided by our values and our authentic self.
The following equation depicts the pathway:
Bear the pain to cultivate strengths towards realizing true desires, aligned with one’s values & confront one’s fears, set aside insecurities, dysfunctional behaviors and forgive.
With the practice our competence in making cognitive choices that take us out of our comfort zone, unrestricted from dysfunctional beliefs, fears or impulse feelings, is fortified. In this way, freedom of choice is linked with maturity and self-development. The more we act consciously on this basis the more we exercise wisdom and the freer we become.
Through these lens, every time we are able to direct our behavior, thoughts, feelings or performance we demonstrate leadership in our lives. We are able to direct our activities as well as that of others towards a certain goal or result and we have the strength to accomplish that.
We become leaders that exhibit a liberated behavior which is authentic, because is aligned with our values and desires. We are not affected by other people’s aspirations, beliefs or actions because we are dedicated in serving our truth. We become masters of our feelings and impulses. Able to select what we want and how to pursue it, without being affected by the external factors we face. This is so powerful and fulfilling! We know that we can always choose and be committed to our choice no matter what the situation might be, even when we believe we do not have an alternative.
Using Coaching to empower our clients
If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, then, you are an excellent leader. Dolly Parton
As, coaches, one of the most valuable things we can offer to our clients is revealing the truth that in each and every occasion, We choose how to Think, Feel and Act.
At that point we can assist them on identifying their values and aspirations, connect with their feelings and identify their strengths. Search for their fears, insecurities and challenge the disempowering beliefs which are holding them back.
Then, it’s their call to decide whether they confront their fears, set aside disempowering beliefs and dysfunctional behaviors or habits and become masters of their choices, who act in alignment with what is essential to them. Our role is to meet them where they are, believe in them and respect their free will and pace. After all, they are the ones leading this partnership! As long as we create the space in which they can experience themselves without judgement, by holding the light that very gently reveals their inner truth, we delicately, very quietly show them how to accomplish Leadership in their lives.
Mastering Leadership
The following questions can support towards becoming Leader of your choices:
Think about what you would like to achieve.
Where are you now?
What would you like to do?
Remember…
The choice is yours!
References
http://www.thefreedictionary.com
http://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2012/10/16/quotes-on-leadership/#641a6f387106
nelsonmandela.org
ICA, Commitment vs. Trying Power Tool