Coaching Application
Although this duality is common in the expatriate world, this does not mean it can’t be incorporated in any kind of coaching session. It is useful to raise the awareness of any client about the amount of depth they need in their life. Some people are perfectly happy staying on the surface, while others will only feel satisfied when they can go more into the depth.
By using these two perspectives we can help our clients to find the right balance for them as individuals between both perspectives in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied with their life.
This duality is also closely related to the values of the client.
Superficiality can be useful to reach depth.
Going to a reception and having superficial talks can help you to meet new interesting people who can become a dear friend, someone who you may partner with to develop a successful business, someone who will maybe even inspire you to write a book… Attending a social event can in this way be seen as a possibility rather then a difficulty you have to overcome. This makes it easier to actually go there.
It is by trying and touching a lot of very different experiences that you are able to find the activities, which really inspire you.
On the other hand, staying too long in the superficial level could in some cases have negative effects on your emotional well-being. You could lack the support network and the real friendship we all need to survive in the complex society we are part of.
Depth can be useful to lighten up and have some superficial fun.
Being able to express your confusion and doubts to a friend, you not only vent your feelings but you also obtain different perspectives, which could bring a lot of clarity and lightness in your life.
It is so enriching to have the possibility to discuss all sorts of subjects and to have ‘life changing’ conversations with people you trust.
Opening up to people can be frightening and can make you vulnerable because there is always the risk to be hurt. But keep in mind ‘It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. (Alfred, Lord Tennyson).
Or in different words ‘Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened. (Dr Seuss).
Digging too deeply can make you feel stuck and can close you off from the present moment. You could also run next to some interesting new experiences.
William Shakespeare expressed the balance between superficial and depth with the following words :
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none!
How much ‘a few’ is, must be determined by each client individually.
Helping them as a coach to become more conscious about the two perspectives ‘superficiality and depth’, will definitely help them discover their individual ‘few’!
Questions
- How could you use these 2 tools in your coaching session?
- Can you show different ways of using these tools in your session?
- Does this tool help you to define the level of depth you need in order to feel fulfilled?