Self Application
Looking Inward vs. Outward
To live happily is an inward power of the soul.
Marcus Aurelius
No one can be great, or good, or happy except through the inward efforts of themselves.
Frederick William Robertson
Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are.
Henry Van Dyke
“A beggar had been sitting by the side of the road for over 30 years. One day a stranger walked by. ‘Spare some change?’ mumbled the beggar mechanically holding out his baseball cap. ‘I have nothing to give you,’ said the stranger. Then he asked: ‘What’s that you’re sitting on?’ ‘Nothing,’ replied the beggar. ‘Just an old box. I have been sitting on it for as long as I can remember.’ ‘Ever looked inside?’ asked the stranger. ‘No,’ said the beggar. ‘What’s the point? There’s nothing in there.’ ‘Have a look inside,’ insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold.” Eckhart Tolle
Many of us spend our day to day moments in the pursuit of happiness, like a prized a treasure at the end of the rainbow. What will make me happy? Maybe I need a new car. That will make me happy. I am so unhappy in my relationship. Maybe I need a new partner. Mine doesn’t make me happy anymore. Why can’t I just feel happy? I can’t find anything that makes me happy!! What is wrong with me? We look to the outward world in search of the answer.
Or we spend our days blaming our unhappiness on those around us. My boss yelled at me and ruined my day. I’d be so much happier if I quit. The kids are driving me crazy. I can’t wait for them to grow up. The neighbor’s lawn is overgrown. How can they live like that and do that to me and the neighborhood?
We focus our self worth and happiness on what others are saying about us, doing to us and spend our days comparing our dull lives to our hundreds of Facebook friends that seem to have it all together, living their lives filled with laughter and fun. What MAKES them happy?
How can any of us be happy living in the chaotic world in which we do? How is it possible to focus inward instead of outward when we are blasted all day with information through all of the different sources of media and information? “Quiet is something we have to demand of ourselves, rather than being our natural state,” Dani Shapiro so eloquently states. Is quiet the source of happiness or the vehicle to find it?
We need quiet to look deep within ourselves and to look inward for problem resolution. Here we can see that pain, unhappiness and discontent is attributed to some form of non-acceptance and/or resistance to what is actually happening. Accepting and honoring the present moment, what is actually happening and allowing it to be, can give us a taste of inner freedom from outward conditions, and quite possible lead us to a state of inner peace. The more we accept the present moment, for it is all we really have, the more we are free from pain, unhappiness and suffering. If we work with the present moment as if we had chosen it, our lives would forever change for the better and maybe we would find that treasure, that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…..happiness and/or inner peace.
Let’s define for the purpose of this Power Tool
Looking inward: Solving problems, situations and dilemmas with the focus and intent on what YOU can do to manage the situation and find peace within that particular problem, situation or dilemma; changing your own behavior and/or viewpoint instead of focusing on changing that of others.
Looking outward: Solving problems, situations and dilemmas with the focus and intent on what OTHERS can do to make the situation more manageable for you and expecting OTHERS behavior to make you happy; trying to change other’s behavior and thoughts to something that is acceptable to you and to something that makes YOU feel better.
The outward work will never be puny if the inward work is great.
Meister Eckhart
Self Application
Looking Inward vs. Outward
1. Reflect on the following picture and questions and use the worksheet to journal your answer. Is there any way in your current situation, problem or dilemma, that you can find peace by looking inward vs. solving the problem outwardly? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, explore and journal your feelings below.
Looking Inward vs. Outward
- Reflect on the following picture and questions and use the worksheet to journal your answer. Is there any way in your current situation, problem or dilemma, that you can find peace by looking inward vs. solving the problem outwardly? If so, what does that look like for you? If not, explore and journal your feelings below.
- Reflect on the following picture and questions and use the worksheet to journal your answer. Compare what the journey inward looks like to you vs. the journey outward. How does that feel to you? Which way feels better? Which way is more likely to lead you to peace or happiness?
Self Reflection
A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him.
Soren Kierkegaard
As you work towards focusing inward for inner peace, instead of an outward solution, in a particular situation and/or dilemma, or with a particular person, find a quiet place to stop and ask yourself and then spend a few minutes reflecting on your answers:
Coaching Application
Using this Power Tool, “Looking Inward vs. Outward”, can be used as a platform to reframe a client’s focus on the outside world as a means to happiness which may be inhibiting the client from reaching their goals or successes. This tool allows the client to open their minds and shift their focus on to them self, the only person that they can control or change in their own life.
It is suggested that the tool be used in session and then offered up as an ongoing homework assignment to use between sessions as necessary.
Reflection
As the lily will grow full of sweet perfume and delight upon a heap of rubbish, thus the disciple of the truly enlightened Buddha shines forth by his wisdom among those who are like rubbish, among the people that walk in darkness. Let us live happily then, not hating those who hate use! Among men who hate us let us dwell free from hatred! Let us live happily then, free from all ailments among the ailing! Let us live happily, then, free from greed among the greedy! Among men who are greedy let us dwell free from greed!
Buddha
References
DaniShapiro.com “On Looking Inward” May 24th, 2011 Retrieved at
Eckhart Tolle (1999). The Power Of Now, Namaste Publishing Vancouver BC : Canada.