A Coaching Power Tool By Michelle Bradley, Leadership Coach, TAIWAN
Anxiety vs. Equanimity in Adult Life
For the majority of my adult life, I’ve woken up each morning and done the same thing: sit on my meditation cushion. As a long-time meditator and yoga practitioner, I’ve traveled, read, and studied a lot related to these two traditions. What can I say that almost two decades of daily sitting has brought me? An ability to identify and let go of a state of agitation. I have found that the flip side of this agitation – which can also be called anxiety – has led me closer and closer to a mental and physical state of equanimity.
Anxiety vs. Equanimity Definition
What Is Equanimity?
Equanimity can be defined as “evenness of emotions or temper” and in a Buddhist context, equanimity is considered to be one of the Four Immeasurables. These four boundless qualities are equanimity (upekkha), love (metta), compassion (karuna), and joy (mudita). By dissolving the boundaries that constrain us, these four qualities expand our capacity for experience.
The fourth-century Indian Buddhist philosopher Asanga speaks of two types of equanimity: a meditator’s own equanimity toward all beings and his or her wish that those beings develop equanimity.
Just as one must flatten hilly ground to create a stable base for building, it is important to even out the mind’s differentiating thoughts and biases. From here, compassion towards oneself and others can develop.
The ultimate goal of developing equanimity along with the remaining three immeasurables is to no longer divide the world into good and bad, love and hate. By doing so, we not only have more freedom and ease in daily life but we also gain access to the wisdom of our real nature.
Put Into Context
The above idea is also an ideal and a lofty one at that. The way that I apply it to my own life is to let go of unnecessary thoughts and worry about things that are ultimately beyond my control. Instead, I try to focus on what I can change and proactively put my energies there.
This brings to mind the Christian prayer often spoken by my late grandmother:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. (The Serenity Prayer, attributed to the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr 1892–1971 in 1943)
Anxiety in Our Lives
Anxiety is one of the most common mental health disorders in many countries. Yet, anxiety disorders are more common than depression, although they can often appear together. Anxiety disorders affect 18.1% of the population in the US every year, which is equal to about 40 million people. On a global scale, anxiety affects about 300 million people.
When someone is anxious, they are not going to be productive. Anxiety is a huge cause of limitation for individuals and society as a whole, and the main consequences of thinking or acting from this perspective are – from my observation – are lack of engagement, reduced creativity, lowered productivity, and an overall feeling of helplessness. It not only affects individuals but also their loved ones and coworkers. As a result, this has a huge impact on society as a whole.
I have personally both struggled and worked with anxiety for most of my adult life and I’ve found that finding a way to transform it to be extremely beneficial. For me, I’ve taken the road of meditation, exercise, healthy eating, and being intentional with my time as a road to transformation. These methods have helped me to transform my anxiety into something heading in the direction of equanimity.
I’ve therefore chosen equanimity as the “flipped” perspective as it emphasizes evening out rather than eradicating anxious thoughts and emotions.
Anxiety vs. Equanimity: The Ocean as an Analogy
One can liken these two states to the difference between the ocean waves on a stormy day versus a calm one – the ocean in both cases is still the same, it’s just that it’s manifesting its energy differently, thus leading to two very diverse outcomes. Nevertheless, the essence of both anxiety and equanimity originates from the same place (therefore, it is your choice what you choose to access).
The anticipated consequence of acting from this positive perspective of equanimity is a feeling of renewed perspective, energy, and insight. The difference can be (in my case) life-changing and therefore extremely beneficial.
I’d also like to add a perspective of translation here. In Chinese, equanimity is translated as ‘鎮定。’ The first character ‘鎮’ means calm, tranquil, or at ease while the second character ‘定’ means fixed, settled, or established. I like having this perspective in two separate characters, as it shows the relationship between two concepts and how they come together to create a dynamic result.
In a Coaching Session
In my session with Sarah*, the challenge I faced was to help her move from feeling overwhelmed to being capable and focused. She was very overwhelmed and I started to support her by asking her to think beyond herself and about other people who helped her in the way she hoped to serve others.
She began with strongly self-limiting beliefs and as the session progressed, I helped her to see the bigger picture and transform her anxiety of not being good enough into a state of calmness, confidence, and overall equanimity.
Here is a deeper take on the coaching experience with Sarah:
- She experienced the feeling of being anxious and overwhelmed by indecision, confusion, and lack of self-confidence regarding starting her new business.
- What worked well was to create space for her to reflect on why she wanted to build her business and her inner meaning rather than focused on external obstacles. This helped her identify her anxiety but then connect with the larger picture, which naturally shifted her energy to one of equanimity.
- What didn’t work well was that I sometimes felt a lack of confidence in executing my own coaching voice and used filler words as an expression of hesitation.
- Next time I could be more present to her and her process rather than my own self-doubts and anxious thoughts!
From Micro to Macro:
From my own experience as both a meditator and coach, I find that helping both myself and my clients shift from a state of mental agitation to a state of mindfulness or equanimity is extremely helpful. There is also research emerging showing equanimity as a support for the development of compassion, which is extremely helpful to develop as a coach. The reason why it is such a support is that it can help one to remove bias, which otherwise might limit the scope of our empathy and compassion. This is especially important for anyone (such as myself) who is coaching across cultures and needs to recognize any cultural bias that may be affecting the session and my client’s experience.
I’d therefore like to share the four foundations of mindfulness as a method for developing equanimity as well as a practical way to approach both the process and outcome of a coaching session:
Mindfulness of Body
From a coaches perspective, this also relates to the ICF Competencies of:
- Maintains Presence
Mindfulness of Feelings
From a coaches perspective, this also relates to the ICF Competencies of:
- Cultivates Trust and Safety
Mindfulness of Awareness
From a coaches perspective, this also relates to the ICF Competencies of:
- Demonstrates Ethical Practice
- Listens Actively
- Evokes Awareness
Mindfulness of Thoughts
From a coaches perspective, this also relates to the ICF Competencies of:
- Embodies a Coaching Mindset
- Facilitates Client Growth
My Teacher’s Advice
Many years ago, my meditation teacher shared a story with me, about how he too had experienced anxiety every day for many years. He told me that he didn’t see it as a binary problem, as if there was only one problem to one solution. Rather, he shared with me another perspective that he had used to great success: to treat his anxious thoughts as his friends. Rather than rejecting them and trying to push them down, drown them out, or run away from them through a myriad of means (for example through intoxicants, numbing oneself, or other external methods), he chose to accept them, watch them and let them be. At the same time, accepting them didn’t mean giving in to them. What it did mean was that by not rejecting them, he naturally welcomed in equanimity, which had a much more powerful force on his thoughts than anxiety ever could. I tried it myself and found it to be extremely effective!
Anxiety vs. Equanimity: Growth and Transformation
This experience that I had is something that I’d now like to bring into my coaching sessions. I’d like to help my clients mindfully flip their experience of anxiety into a more aware state of equanimity. It is definitely a process that needs to continue much longer than just the session, but that’s also part of the process – to plant seeds for growth and transformation with the client directing their own course towards awareness, self-compassion, and growth.
*My client’s name and a few details have been changed for the sake of personal privacy.
References
https://tricycle.org/magazine/four-immeasurables/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer
https://www.rtor.org/2020/01/29/why-social-anxiety-disorder-is-common-in-our-society/
https://wellbeing.gmu.edu/thriving-together-series-how-equanimity-can-relieve-stress/