Case Study
Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. Nikos Kazantzakis
Sally is in an unhappy, 30 year marriage with an alcoholic husband. She has decided that she needs a change and can no longer live with this man any longer. She has tried everything to get her husband to stop drinking. For example, she has hidden his liquor, dragged him out of bars and paid for several rehabilitation programs. Alas, nothing has worked and she surmises that the only way out of the pain is to divorce him.
When she came to coaching, she was looking for a way to stop her husband from drinking so that she could avoid divorce. She felt like dissolving the marriage was the only option, yet she was not financially prepared to do so. She was convinced that if her husband could find recovery, then their marriage would be saved.
When Sally was challenged on how she could control another person, she came to the realization that it simply was not possible. In fact, she had been operating under the false assumption that in some way she could control and cure her husband’s drinking problem if she worked harder, smarter, longer, etc. Instead, the reality was she was making herself miserable and her husband’s drinking was completely unaffected.
For Sally, the moment of change happened when she accepted the fact that she was powerless over another person. This new perception provided her with new opportunities. The main one being that she could concentrate on taking care of herself, since this was her only realm of control. By focusing on herself, Sally began to change her behaviors, especially those around her drinking husband.
As Sally took responsibility for herself only, she gained control of her life. She learned that she could survive and even thrive while married to an alcoholic. As she experienced this powerful level of growth, her husband became desperate to return things to the way they were. Fortunately, Sally had a taste of freedom and peace, and she really enjoyed these sensations.
Eventually, Sally’s husband discovered that she no longer focused on him and her attention had turned inward. He was despondent and tried to gain her attention again, but was never able to pull her back into the chaos. When faced with the reality that his wife would not enable him anymore and had experienced spiritual, emotional and intellectual growth, he lost the person he blamed for his drinking. He admitted himself into rehab and has been in recovery for more than two years.
The beauty in this case study of change is that others were affected by changes in Sally. As you grow and become more enlightened, those around you will notice and want the same for themselves. As you open your mind to the hurdles that stand in the way of progress, the needed changes begin to emerge. As you work through self-development and discovery, you come out the other side a happier and healthier person. Add to that others may choose to improve their lives too and you can see how your changes are like ripples on a pond. Without change, there are no ripples.
