A Coaching Power Tool By Marie Romero, Leadership & Accountability Coach, UNITED STATES
Acceptance vs. Rejection Journey
In my personal development and ICA journey, I have come to realize we as humans have many similar issues. Whether it is wanting clarity, seeking more confidence, facing fears of the unknown, or wanting to feel understood or respected. It seems at one point or another we experience many of the same things.
Thankfully coaching allows us to explore, understand, and work out some of those issues or achieve goals. In my personal coaching sessions, I realized I was getting in my own way. When I started to learn more about myself I realized I too was very fearful and had some deep-rooted beliefs. This fear and these beliefs are the reasons behind much of my behavior. One behavior in particular kept causing me disappointment, frustration, and stress. And that behavior is wanting to keep a sense of control and not accepting some things the way they are. I would get disappointed if things didn’t go my or at least the way I thought they should be. It would cause stress, resistance, and tension. It took me a while but eventually, I realized that in life there are so many things out of our control. I came to realize that the results are results and if you want different outcomes you have to do something different. In a nutshell, I had to be better at acceptance in order to move on.
Acceptance vs. Rejection Power Tool
My realization led to remarkable the movement. Once I started accepting things. I was able to get “unstuck” and work toward a different solution if I didn’t like the outcome. The learning was so great that I decided to use acceptance over rejection as a power tool.
I decided to test this new power tool with my peer coaches and clients to see what results they would get. In our coaching sessions, I noticed some of my peers being “stuck” or upset that things didn’t go as expected. I then would ask them what was getting in the way. The answer of refusing to accept was not the first answer but after some time I asked permission to share my power tool. They of course agreed and became curious. In a matter of minutes, we worked on flipping their perspective and they loved it. Some were also able to get creative and start working on new solutions to their problems. In my opinion, it was a great success.
Now to further clarify “acceptance” doesn’t mean that you have to keep the result or leave things the way they are, you can still make changes to gain a different result or behavior. Acceptance means that you acknowledge the outcome and recognize that some things are within your control and some things are not.
After performing this power tool a few times with my peers and clients, it seemed to have positive results, I decided to do a little research and I found this wonderful article by Rachel Change a PhD, “Accepting as they are: Why and How to do it.” Her article echoes much of what I have come to learn and believe. Rejection of disappointment keeps us hostage to the problem and acceptance allows us to free the mind and get creative or at the very least allows for peace. I also found support in another article by Akhya, a medium, titled “Acceptance” and she states “Part of the real beauty of life is that it is unpredictable. Nothing is permanent, everything changes, and of course, a lot of things can happen that will transform who you are and have an impact on your life. The problem is that we need to cultivate the ability to truly accept whatever comes and embrace it.”
I have brought this power tool to some of my peers and they have stated it’s one they will keep in their tool bag. I hope that it continues to cause changes in others. I hope that we all get a little better at acceptance and understanding. I have come to realize that acceptance allows for an opening. An opening of conversation, understanding creativity, and change. In the end, change is something we all get to experience at one time or another.
This learning has been a great experience and I am grateful for the opportunity to develop a power tool that can help make progress.