The application of the program is independent from some aspects as:
a.) Couples with or without children
b.) Sex of each partner
c.) Residence place of the couple: independent or with other persons, relatives or not
2) Main Action Areas
Children Policy
The Coaching Program for Couples has as main aim generate agreement between partners related with the four issues that, according to our experience in personal processes of Coaching of Life, generate the major part of conflicts:
A. Patrimony Management
The patrimony management covers cash management, for the man as for the woman, and personal and couple investments to be realized. For example, if both partners have a job, it is necessary to come to an agreement on the way to pay expenses, generate savings, buying assets as cars or houses, investment in education, etc.
B. Sexual Life
Many times, infidelities arise for a reason on sexual dissatisfaction of one or both the partners. This occurs because it is not so easy to talk openly with the couple about these issues as it is considered that it will generate in some ways, rejection and distrust. The clue is to outline limits and scope, together with both partners, in the sexual life of the couple searching common points to maintain a health and satisfactory sexual life for both partners.
C. Relationships with the Partner’s Family
In this aspect, we try to maintain an excellent relationship with “father- mother in law, brother-sister in law, uncles, aunts, etc.” that is “the new family”, avoiding complications produced when the couple depends or is very close to the family on one partner, and never there is free time for the other family. For example, in new couples the classic question is “with whom family we will spend the first Christmas?”.
D. Children Policy
The children issue starts with family planning, that is answering questions as when have children, how many, what planning method to use, among other questions.
After the children birth, we try to plan the personal relationship of the parents and the couple relationship analyzing issues as: who will give permissions?, who will be the main authority?, how avoid children seek permission with both parents?, time sharing with children, handling the relationships with teachers, among others.
This program is based in the premise that is better to have very clear the issues now than have to regret for problems later. If we give preventive maintenance to our car, the walls of our house, to our furniture, etc. why then doing not the same with our couple’s life?
3) Details of the Process of Coaching for Couples
The program develops in two stages.
The first stage has a total of 12 sessions, 6 of them personals, that is three sessions with each partner; and the last 6 are common sessions. In this stage we obtain the personal Life Plans and Couple Plan.
Also in this stage are identified the adjustments in habits, customs, broking personal paradigms, smoothness of personal positions so the life in common will strengthen starting from the individual strength of each partner.
The second stage, with a month length and 4 sessions with the couple, has the aim to participate with the couple in achieving their first objectives and refine issues that could arise as distortion to the prepared plan. Through the process we use all the non presential media1 as communication support so it develops in a fluid manner.
4) Benefits
The main benefit of the Coaching for Couples could be summarized in achieving agreements that will help as prevention for possible opinion differences and conflicts.
Likewise, developing a process of coaching for couples helps “saving time” because the common relationships starts with the mutual knowledge between two persons that normally is achieved in a medium or large term in couple’s relationships.
It is important also enhance the motivation and stillness of people feeling they have built together an environment of mutual confidence and, at the same time, feel that their emotional changes (that could have been perceived as a loss of freedom) are compensated by the great benefit in their happiness as a couple.
An Application Case: Starting a Life as a Couple
David knew his girlfriend since college time. When he was 19, Carmen, age 18, became pregnant. Because Davis had started a prosperous business that allows him to cover his expenses, they decided to live together and begin a life as a couple. Both of them, only child, have the support of their parents for the care of the baby while David works and Carmen follows her university studies. They decided not to marry.
David was working and paying the expenses. Carmen depended economically on David. They lived for three years in these conditions and the baby grew very well. The family maintained a good economical status and the relationship developed very well. Both were in love.
‘Non presential media’ no es una forma muy usada en inglés. Quizás ‘virtual’ podría dar la misma idea. new business. Carmen suggested have a second baby and David agreed. In the professional aspect, Carmen wanted to begin an activity in association with two classmates and David wanted to consolidate an investment. Carmen mother was very influential in the couple, but sometimes, she invaded their personal space in decisions.
Both David as Carmen agreed to have a second baby, but Carmen wanted to marry before having it, and David will not marry until his second child will be 5 years old.
Carmen wanted to marry because her wish was that her new son has a father and a mother in his birth certificate. She did not expect to marry in a religious ceremony to avoid too many expenses. She only wanted a civil union to formalize the relationship strengthened during several years. She worried also for her first son because he needed married parents to enter the college.
David thought that “a paper” does not make love. His dream was have a picture of his marriage with his two children, one on arms and the other on his knees, and that both of them remember that important moment for their parents. Marry with a young baby will not make possible that dream.
This discrepancy issue nurtured others: Carmen refused to receive money because she wanted to generate her own income, her sexual life was affected and David took refuge in his work and began to stay less hours at home. Carmen called him by phone continually because she began to suspect that David has another partner; that was not true. Sometimes they do not talk to one another.
Carmen mother contacted us. Our participation as couples’ coaches began with an interview with Carmen and David, in a personal manner to know both versions, and then, a joint session to generate a commitment in both partners.
We worked under the model developed for couples’ coaching and final results were as follows:
- The agreed that David will be an investor partner in the new business of Carmen, who will work at home to stay near the babies.
- They decided to have a second baby.
- They decided to marry when the second baby would be two years old
- Carmen talked with her mother to avoid interferences in her decisions
The birth date of their second baby will be February 2012 and both of them are moving forward in their development plan.
Conclusions
Coaching process for couples shows that coaching is an excellent improvement tool for personal relationships, including those that are more intimated as couple’s relationships.
Through enhancing relationships, strong bonds are generated that impact positively in the future, leaving to center the relationship in the past.
At the same time, we achieved agreements in the most important issues on a couple’s life. These agreements allow to generate mutual confidence and to clear the path to consolidate the future together.
As coaches it is very important to generate the previous commitment of the partners to “give up” somewhat in their starting position, change their paradigms, to be open to accept the other’s opinions, considering the common goal more valuable than personal goals because is a reality that the achievements as a couple will give greater satisfactions to both partners, generating a life of personal and family happiness.
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