In this initial stage the coach will also explain the model of the process and discuss or answer any questions that might come up.
2) Seeing Through the Lens of Spiritual Practice — How Do We Identify and Clarify Goals in This Model?
Once client and coach have clarified the client’s higher purpose, then stating, clarifying, and envisioning goals from a spiritual perspective takes place. This is often a multi-faceted approach that includes dealing with initial doubts the client might have about whether or not they can obtain it, observing and processing various forms of laziness, discussing how exactly obtaining this specific goal is going to benefit not just the client but others, some discussion about the timing of the initiative, and so on.
Various methods could be employed here, but I would like to focus on one method that lends itself to the Buddhist student, and that would be visualization. This technique can be used both in this stage, and in the action stage, as it not only can help us see where we want to go, but also we can visualize the actual doing of the steps, just as an athlete visualizes themselves hitting the mark, or the basket, just before an event.
Students of Tibetan Buddhism in particular have experience in visualizing because they are often asked to picture a deity, in Deity Yoga practices, for example, or waves of compassion that emanate from their heart out to all beings, in compassion practices, such as Tonglen.
3) Right Action, Right Speech, Right Motives — Aligning Goals with Ethical Values from the Buddhist Perspective
Aligning goals with one’s ethical values is a principle that appears in many coaching models, and for very good reason. Part of this is what we discussed above, that when our motives are for higher purposes then it is much easier to tap into our innermost resources to accomplish something. But in this step we also talk about alignment as an actual practice, as an actual way that we go along the journey. Right Action in the Buddhist tradition refers to not just doing the right things in life, like not stealing or lying, but also in self-observation as we do our daily activities.
Naturally, as with other models, many of these principles also apply to the coach. Professionally, of course, the coach must practice according to the ethical standards of the profession. But in this Buddhist model, we are asking the coach to live by even higher standards, and we believe that this will contribute to creating trust and to a more effective process. If the client knows that his or her coach has been living year in, year out, following a spiritual path with deep expectations about their moral and ethical behavior, the client is going to know that they are not being used, or manipulated, or taken advantage of.
4) Energize and Generate Motivation — Tapping into the Deepest Sources of Impulse and Drive
Perhaps one of the most interesting areas of coaching, and we believe, least understood, is the question of how a model helps the client to generate the right kind of motivation for the goals they have established. Obviously, motivation comes in many forms, and is inevitably linked to Stage 3, or one’s ethical alignment. But it also goes deeper.
In the field of psychology, there are many theories about motivation in human behavior, and many of them are tortuously complicated, obscure, and unreadable. Of all the Western psychologists, Abraham Maslow comes closest to an Eastern perspective when he talks about the innate drive to fulfill one’s potential. Maslow uses a Hierarchy of Needs to describe the evolving nature of an individual’s drive towards accomplishment, beginning with the most basic needs of security and conservation. As one fills the needs in a sort of ascending scale, as one becomes more and more functioning, then the needs become more universal, creative, and transcendent.
This is true in Buddhism, too, and pre-dates Maslow by a couple of thousand years. In the tradition, a person’s highest motivation also evolves, over lifetimes especially, as the lower ego’s needs get fulfilled, and the individual begins to aspire for higher and higher realization of their potential. Then, even when one reaches the level of aspiring to be enlightened, then in the Mahayana tradition, it is still higher to aspire to help all sentient beings become enlightened, and not just one’s self. And in the Vajrayana tradition, this refinement of motivation goes even further and it is believed that one can aspire to become enlightened in one short lifetime, living in the world as a householder, married, raising kids, and working.
To have this sort of very large frame of reference is very helpful when working with clients who are on a spiritual path, because they can hold the big picture, not dwell too much, or obsess, about one particular goal, and yet still work towards that achievement. Ironically, it is when we don’t over-think, or over-idealize, or reify our accomplishments in the world, that we can then best energize ourselves for the task at hand.
Another level of discussion and process in this stage could be around asking the client if they intend and want to dedicate the accomplishment of the goal to something, or some other(s), greater than themselves, and do they want to propitiate divine energies, such as deities, to help them fulfill this task.
5) Taking Action and Creating Structures — The Buddhist Approach to Effecting Change
The brilliance of George Doran who first conceived of SMART goals in a paper for a Management journal in 1981 can be seen in how popular the concept is universally, how many times it is quoted in the training, development, management and coaching literature, and how many professionals cite it in their work. Bringing a heavy dose of realism to the task of goal setting, whether it is at the macro or micro level is necessary, no matter how spiritual one is, no matter how much one has faith and trust in their abilities, or no matter how well they can envision the end.
Buddhism is no different. It is often cited as an extremely pragmatic path of spiritual development, even considering it’s ‘other-worldly’ reference points, such as a devotion to deities, and faith that a mantra can effect changes in the physical world. Buddhism is pragmatic because it always strives to look realistically at what the obstacles might be impeding an individual’s progress, whether that progress be in the world, or on the spiritual plane of endeavor.
If a person has trouble making money, for example, a teacher might refer them to an astrologer, or do a divination, to determine whether or not there are karmic obstacles, created by past life behaviors. If so, then in the Buddhist view, it is extremely difficult to amass wealth, no matter how hard one works, or how well connected or educated they are, unless they first remove those obstacles, or in other words, apply the antidotes that neutralize the negative effects of karma.
6) Deep Support — The Tools and Personal Qualities a Buddhist Coach Employs in Helping the Client Move Forward
All along, since the beginning of the coaching process, ideally the coach has been demonstrating a great deal of empathy and compassion for the client as they build trust. As has been shown in numerous studies in the field of psychotherapy, positive outcomes are largely dependent on how well the client feels seen and understood, how well regarded they feel by the therapist.
In turn, positive outcomes are also correlated with client perceptions of the therapist as a warm, empathic, caring person. Some researchers, such as Allan Schore, have claimed that there is even evidence that a positive, restorative relationship with a psychotherapist can actually rewire the brain, strengthening neural conduits that were weak and increasing neural connections and activities in those parts of the brain associated with mental and emotional well being.
It seems that in coaching this should be no less true, and if anything, there is even less need for the coach to maintain a cool, clinical detachment. Clients no doubt want to feel that their coach is in the trenches with them, that he or she will support them when they fall, and cares greatly about their success, even if they must hold the client accountable for self-appointed tasks.
7) Using Skillful Means — How to Remove Obstacles, Push Through Egocentric and Unconscious Resistances, Learn Patience, Redefine and Realign Goals, etc.
In the Buddhist tradition, upaya, refers to using skillful means in how to either be expedient in teaching the dharma, or in how to transform what are usually obstacles to enlightenment into agents of change. Sometimes the example of sexuality is given to explain upaya. In Vajrayana Buddhism sexuality is transformed from a lower ego desire of sexual lust into a respectful exchange of energies, or into a meditation on the unification of wisdom and energy.
In our slightly more mundane reality of coaching, we are not really talking about spiritual teaching and how to use all obstacles on the path into teaching lessons or engines of enlightenment. But we do want to encourage clients to see that many times there are skillful ways of working with obstacles that can make them less onerous or insurmountable.
In my Power Tool, Non-Dual vs. Dualistic Problem Solving and Goal Setting, I pointed out how in our culture, education, and within the limits of the rational mind, we tend to see things in black and white, as warring dichotomies, or tensions between dialectical or bipolar forces. Thus, when we encounter an obstacle in our journey to accomplish a goal we often get frustrated and defeated, or angry and combative, or any number of other responses that arise when things are not going our way.
But in this model, as in my Power Tool, we need to reframe our perspective and see that in most cases the obstacle is just teaching us something about our own perception of reality and how dualistic it is. If we take the non-dual perspective, and look at the larger frame of mind, we can see that apparent dualities may be offering a teaching or a better way to go, or even may be saying we need to retreat and rethink our strategy, as we cannot always predict what forces come into play.
In one example my own peer coach gave, he spoke about a client who really wanted a promotion so that he could have more money and be able to provide more material benefits to his family. The client was having a lot of trouble summoning the courage to ask for the promotion, and was worried he would not get it, that he would be seen as a failure if he didn’t, and so on. When his coach (my peer coach in the ICA program) probed a little deeper, the client revealed that if he did receive the promotion he would be on the road a lot more, having to work longer hours, and be bringing reports home on the weekend to review.
When his coach asked how that would impact his family life, it was like a light went off in the client’s head. He suddenly realized that that was not at all what he wanted, and then immediately withdrew his name from consideration.
This story reveals how an apparent contradiction between the person’s desire to be promoted and his own reluctance revealed a hidden wisdom lying just under the surface of consciousness. When the client realized the trade-off that a promotion would give, and how detrimental that would be, not just for him but for his whole family, then a giant shift of perspective happened. This is common in the coaching world, and another reason why a Buddhist model of coaching is so compatible with the profession.
8) Completion, or Fruition — Celebrating and Assimilating Accomplishment of Goals and What that Means, Both Materially and Spiritually
Completion and closure for a coaching cycle are very important for several reasons. The primary one is that by acknowledging the accomplishments made, the client can then assimilate this new experience into the deeper levels of their character, hopefully rewriting some old programs that no longer serve them — such as being unable to realize certain goals. Celebrating this accomplishment also brings in the coach’s input, as well as that of the clients’ family and friends, who help him or her acknowledge their success. This also serves to more deeply engrave the experience in the client’s psyche.
Spiritually, from a Buddhist perspective, celebrating accomplishment should be seen as an exercise of mental balance, on one side embracing the skillful achievement of a goal and the over-coming of negative karma, obstacles, or mindsets. And on the other side, so that the lower ego does not become too inflated with materialistic self-congratulations, we try to stay humble and non-attached to the outcome, realizing that this achievement is but one step in our very long journey of acquiring wisdom and compassion to benefit all sentient beings.
Having this balance allows us to find the Golden Mean between extremes of inflation and deflation, and find the light, humorous, happy state of fulfillment that (ultimately) serves a cause greater than ourselves.
9) Taking Stock — The Balanced Life and How Our New Wisdom and Compassion Translates for The Next Cycle of Achievement
Taking stock expands on the Point 8 and calls for the coach to discuss with the client where they want to go from here, what wisdom they have gained, as well as what compassion and skillful means they have learned. This could mean starting a new goal, either with the coach or not. It could mean that the client has to go into a phase of rest and assimilation, where they need to ‘digest’ what they have experienced in their learning, and let that become part of who they are in their new identity.
Or perhaps it could mean the client is willing to take on an even bigger challenge, but he or she still needs the support of a coach to help them ‘play in the major leagues,’ as it were. Here is a golden opportunity for the coach to offer more resources and knowledge about performing at a higher level, possibly suggesting they receive permission to practice a more powerful archetypal deity practice to will help them channel a higher level of energy.
Or perhaps they could benefit the client deepen their visualization skills, which is vitally essential for realizing goals, as my own teacher, Lama Pema Dorje Rinpoche says. The late Lama Thubten Yeshe said, in 1975:
Of course, if you think that the material sense world that you perceive is all that exists, and that there’s no possibility of accomplishing that which you can imagine, that it’s all purely mental speculation, that’s ridiculous.
Even the inventor of the rocket had to picture it in his mind before he could create it. First he dreamed it up; then he put together the material elements necessary to manufacture it; then the rocket appeared. There’s no way he could have made a rocket without first creating it in his mind.
So you can see, all these different modern inventions result from the power of the human mind. Therefore, don’t think that dreams never become reality. It’s possible.