Stating expectations of coach and coachee:
Alignment, a source of synergy is attained between coach and coachee when expectations of both parties are stated and discussed thoroughly at the outset.
What do you expect from me and coaching?
is a legitimate question that the coach can ask of the client. Surely, the coach will also have expectations of the client and these will have to be articulated. Unspoken expectations can lead to frustrations and unnecessary fits and starts in the process of coaching.
Stating expectations is not complete with the discussion of responsibilities and roles. For instance, it is the client who is responsible for what he wants out of coaching and fully leveraging the presence of the coach to achieve a goal or challenge that he brings to the table. As for the coach, he or she has the responsibility to point out contradictions and discrepancies, especially when some facts cannot reconcile with reality. He/she challenges views, actions and thinking especially when they are highly relevant to his client’s progress. This kind of constructive intervention can lead to spiking of synergy. It is also appropriate to define the role of the coach so as to dispel misconceptions that the client has. Stating that he is a dedicated sounding board, the coachee’s conscience to ensure there is balance in the life of the coachee, to remind the coachee about certain things that need doing and to avoid certain unhelpful behaviors, a professional friend who wants nothing but the best for the coachee etc. can be very helpful to create clarity for the coachee.
Style of coaching:
We can all say we communicate well, although as a coach, less is more. A great coach listens more than he or she speaks, reflects the coachee’s language back to them, recognizes the importance of silence, and builds rapport with ease. A great coach is non-directive, non-judgmental, asks transformational questions and is observant of what is and is not said by their coachee. The skills of being able to empathize and put yourself in your coachee’s shoes is an important attribute.
People who have been used to a directive or prescriptive style would find it difficult to understand coaching. When they are asked for their views on what they should do they may feel abandoned rather than empowered. They desperately search for hints and tips as to what they are meant to do. True coaching is a skill, and it is very hard to get right if your coachee is constantly asking for the very thing (direction) that you are not meant to give. You are on the horns of a dilemma – give great coaching and they feel lost, give in and help them with a little direction and you are just reverting to type. Moving from high command cultures needs more time and a gentler transformation of leadership style – a jump to coaching is not helpful.
Assisting them in cultivating their inner resources for change and helping them take the specific steps needed to bring change about. When the client thinks and taps into the potential of his knowledge and experience, capabilities and skills, and the coach does not do the thinking for the client, the client gets excited and motivated to get more engaged in the coaching process. If the style of the coach is not one of an enable and facilitator but that of directing, it disempowers the client and coachee’s engagement is impaired.
In order to create a synergistic atmosphere for the client/coachee it is important as a coach to be self aware and self reflective as well.
Sustainability
The support of others is very helpful to expedite and sustain growth and development. When we enlist their support during the course of the coaching journey, they can be a source of encouragement, helpful reminders of the change we are attempting to make so that we do not ‘drop the ball’ and immediate feedback on the progress we are making or on the back sliding that can happen.
Sustaining change:
The ultimate purpose of coaching is to bring about change in behavior, attitude, habits etc; that will lead to the outcome the coachee desires. It is a misnomer that awareness, insight or realization alone is sufficient to bring about change. Let us take the example of smoking. I am not a smoker however I am aware of enough friends and relatives who are and are acutely aware that smoking is not good for them and those around them but find it really challenging to give up this detrimental habit. Awareness is a prerequisite that will require other complementary characteristics. Two imperative characteristics, amongst others, are commitment and will. The coaching process must look at shoring up at least both of these not only to bring about change but also sustaining change.
The unique coaching environment and process are ‘artificial’ and are rarely to be found or replicated at office or home. In this inimitable space of coaching, the client is supported and motivated by the coach to reflect, dive deep, explore his worlds etc. and come up with the actions needed for change. Beyond the session and especially after the end of the coaching journey, the client finds himself on his own.
This situation can be exacerbated by the client’s preoccupation with the daily routine of his personal and professional life which can very easily distract him from the goal he wants to achieve. Business as usual can very easily consume the bandwidth of his consciousness so that he has very little of it to devote to the change he wants; if this persists, there is back sliding on the change he has endeavored to make.
The coach has the responsibility to explore with the client the most effective support system that he will require to keep his eye on the ‘ball’, to ensure his desire for change does not wane and his will and commitment will not waver.
Change is a complex complicated process but definitely possible; it is making the change permanent that is the real challenge. It becomes all the more challenging when the change is with regard to aspects of ourselves that are part of ‘who we are’ and central to our personality makeup. When tackling difficult personal change, it is best not to do it alone. The support of others is very helpful to expedite and sustain our growth and development. Clients are encouraged to secure the help of supportive and responsive friends and family members, have regular conversations with them about the progress and challenges they are experiencing, be open and flexible to their suggestions, comments and concerns to keep the momentum for change alive. When a client enlists the support of others during and after the coaching journey, the latter can be a source of encouragement, provide helpful reminders to re-focus and immediate feedback on the progress being witnessed. What has been described above is very obvious. More creative and relevant ways of supporting the client to sustain change can be achieved in a collaborative endeavor between coach and client.
Positive psychology has concluded that people who succeed on changing behavior permanently are those who tend to make many positive statements than negative ones to themselves about progress. What they also believe is that it is best that any plan of action to achieve the desired change leverages on the strengths of the clients. Thus, the coach needs to understand the client’s strengths and not only the gaps.
Resources:
http://dictionary.reference.com/
The Carl Rogers Reader – Howard Kirschenbaum and Valerie Land Henderson
The Third Alternative – Stephen R Covey
Harvard Business Review
Executive Coaching