A Coaching Model By RaShonna Amos, Life Coach, UNITED STATES
According to Dr. Travis Bradberry in his book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 we are faced with five core emotions. Those emotions are:
- Happy
- Sad
- Afraid
- Angry
- Shame
When I thought about those emotions, it led me to a time in 2007 when I was on vacation on an excursion that included a jump into the water from a 30 ft cliff. When I reflect on how I was feeling, I can identify with the five core emotions listed above. I was happy to be on vacation with an opportunity to experience something new for me. Being in and around water is something that brings me calm and peace, but I had never attempted to jump off a cliff into that calming water. I was extremely afraid and had a first realization that I had a fear of heights and a fear of the unknown. The unknown was what would happen if and when I actually jumped.
I was both angry at myself for having these feelings of fear/ I was angry at the kids around me that jumped in with ease and called me a“chicken” as I was trying to gain my composure and calm my nerves. The feelings of sadness came up in many ways. I was sad that I was being taunted, sad that these fears were surfacing, and sad that I was potentially taking time away from the fun the person with me could be having if we had just jumped and moved on. All of that led to shame. I felt shame for not knowing how to swim. Shame for not knowing that although I had been high up many times before, a fear of heights can show up because of having to jump down. Shame for feeling all the other emotions that I was feeling and for how I looked to those around me.
You may be wondering about the result. Well… after about 10 minutes, I made a decision. I decided that all of the not-so-positive emotions (sadness, fear, anger, and shame) would not hold me back from experiencing feelings tied to happiness (joy, accomplishment, excitement, pride). I did it… I jumped! For no one else but me! I enjoyed it and I was happy to have done it and to have had the experience. It is a memory that will be with me for my lifetime, even if I never do that particular activity again. The courage will live with and in me.
We all have situations in life where we must make a choice. Some of the decisions we’re faced with can impact our lives in the present moment and some can impact us for the long term. This model has developed for me over time as I have been on my personal journey of making choices that will allow me to focus on feelings tied to happiness and not allowing the feelings of sadness, fear, anger, and shame to hold me back. The model is D.I.V.E.!
Dive – Personal Journey of Making Choices
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D |
Determine your goal. What is it that you hope to accomplish? |
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I |
Investigate why this is important to you, what you will gain from that accomplishment, and what is potentially holding you back. |
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V |
Validate what will no longer keep you from moving forward and what is most important for you to prioritize. |
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E |
Explore what’s possible, allowing yourself to move away from the confines of your underlying beliefs and determine actions that can help you reach your goal tied to support and accountability to ensure you get there. |
I gave you a personal story but let’s connect the DIVE model to actual divers.
Springboard divers spring off boards moving very fast, but there is a significant amount of preparation and analysis they go through before actually making their dive. We may see a dive that seems like rocket speed, but they have a journey that led them to that ability to jump in and the ability to continue to grow and explore as divers.
Deep-sea divers are equipped with the proper gear to navigate the unknown underwater and they are even meticulous about the way they enter the water. The entry into the water isn’t the actual start of their journey, there is a lot of learning, reflection, and letting their experience help guide them as they continue to expand their diving horizon.
In most things we do, we have the opportunity to learn through many avenues, apply that learning, and allow that learning to influence our next and future steps while we reflect and plan our next move.
Dive is a model that allows you to move at your pace. There is no expectation of quickly “diving in” yet there is the encouragement to do what you need to ensure that you’re creating a path aligned with your value, end goal, and what will allow you to experience joy along your path.