Learn
All kinds of amazing things occur in this alchemical cauldron as the client’s mind, body and emotions come into alignment with their conscious awareness. Things that in retrospect seem obvious, but weren’t. Blind spots are revealed and seen.
Allow the client all the time they want to Explore and Express what they’ve found. Take note of the primary areas of discovery, and ask the occasional curious question to help them round out their awareness of their findings.
Through this, the experiences of the past brought into the present and transformed holistically in such a way to create wise new ways of seeing and being that could not take place otherwise.
The client learns and moves in to the present with that understanding, able to apply it to current circumstances in a new way.
Curious Questions, Silence and Reflection are the primary tools used here
Inspire
Often the client will be inspired all on their own through the experience of these revelations. The space in which they are viewing their current circumstances shifts automatically to one of more freedom, potential and possibility.
It doesn’t take much more than reflecting back to them the treasures they have found, the realizations they’ve discovered and the space they now own for them to become inspired enough to move into a desire to transform.
Reflecting and energizing is, however, a critical step. Change and sudden deep and abiding awareness of new truths behind a set of old circumstances can be unsettling.
Ensure that they are balance and eager to create change before moving to the next step.
** If they’re not, drop back and use Listening – they may have more to process, or their focus may have shifted into something bigger and more core that now needs to be tended to.
Reflection and Energizing are the primary tools used here
Transform
The coach comes back on board as less of a passive, curious onlooker and more in the role of a guide at this point. The primary questions here are,
Now that you know this, how do things look now, and what would you like to change?
A client will often want to change more than they can comfortably handle, so guiding them in such a way that they are empowered to start small is a good idea.
Once the mind, body, heart and spirit are all in alignment, the changes made in this alchemical crucible have wide reaching, holistic repercussions.
Visualization, Silence and Reflection are the primary tools used here
Examples
There is a lot of room for movement in the description of the stages above – and this is purposeful. The experiences from client to client will vary widely, very much depending on their temperment and level of ability to trust in what they’re experiencing.
Below are two examples, both taking place within the context of the Feel It model. I’ve broken it down into the sections of the model for easier understanding.
Example 1: Chess Talk
Focus
The client created an obvious lead-in for this by speaking of her weekly talks with her father being like a chess match. She felt frustrated and upset, and wanted to better understand why this was happening. What she wanted most was a way to feel comfortable in the situation.
Explore
I asked her to breathe, settle in and tune in to her body. I then asked her to visualize a chess board, and to imagine that she was playing out her conversation with her father in the language of chess.
I asked her what it looked like, and she took off from there. She described colors, chess styles of play (I don’t play chess and have no idea what she was talking about – the important part, the only important part, was that she did), how it felt.
Express
When she got to feelings I asked her to tune into her body again, and she described a tight chest, constrained throat – like she couldn’t speak.
She went back to the chess board on her own, and saw how she was playing a defensive game. How frustrating it was to always feel like she was running, no matter what they were talking about.
Learn
Upon reflecting back to her what she was saying, she began to put things together on her own. Again, I didn’t know chess lingo, so I just literally reflected back in a neutral tone.
Her energy shifted into one of realization – her voice changed to a wondering, amazed tone. (the, ‘this is so obvious!’ tone)
She began to take things deeper, and spoke about how her father seemed to be protecting himself but was constantly sacrificing the little things. How he didn’t seem to care if he was hurt as long as the bottom line was covered.
She suddenly became aware that actually, she wasn’t even playing the same game he was playing. They weren’t even on the same board! She was actually playing checkers – he was the one playing chess. All she ever wanted to do was play checkers, together.
Inspire
There were some tears at this point, but they were relieved tears of understanding and acceptance. I reflected back to her what it was she had just told me and gave her some time to breathe and sit with it.
Finally becoming aware of how she really felt, of what was really happening helped her shift into a space where she was ready to create change.
Transform
I asked her to breathe, and tune into her body – the cue that we’re moving again. And then I asked her just one question… What would it look like if she was playing checkers with her father?
She proceeded to tell me all about it – all on her own. How he looked different across the table from her. How she felt more relaxed and able to care for him, and be with him.
Her voice changed into one of caring compassion, and she spoke of how hard it must be for him, always sacrificing and protecting. She began to speak of love – of how she visited him ever week for that reason.
We had reached our original goal – she better understood what was going on, and she felt more comfortable.
She reported later that she began relating to him differently during their visits. She no longer needed to feel so defensive because she understood why he was doing it. He began relating to her differently as well, and they grew closer.
Example 2: Door to the Heart (with a window)