Coaching Case Study: Saying No So You Can Say Yes!

Coaching Case Study By Ramesh Kumar Dhalamal Tarani
(Career Coach, SINGAPORE)

1. Who are the main players in this case study

My client is Eric Choo, a 45 year old Singaporean single, Professional Manager working as an Academic Programme Manager in a Private Education Institute. He lives alone and has recently broken up with his fiancée with whom he had a relationship for seven years.

2. What is the core problem or challenge you applied your coaching skills to?

Eric was of the opinion that he is stuck in a dead end job, feels so empty and unfulfilled in his profession. He reports directly to a Senior General Manager (Ms Katherine) who he said is very impatient and often criticizes him without valid reasons. Eric feels he cannot take criticism well and that he has a low threshold of stress. Eric wanted to know how he could get stronger to cope on his own and without changing his General Manager at all. Eric was also at a loss as to how he can improve his personal life especially with regards to the relationship with his ex-fiancée.

Eric has always considered himself an introvert and preferred to devote himself completely to his work without much of a social life. He has a challenge communicating his true feelings and thoughts to his superiors, colleagues and friends. Eric also shared that he did not have any form of a social support network comprising family and friends. He has an elder brother who lives in USA and no other family member to rely on. Neither has Eric been able to establish any trusted friendships because of his introvert nature. Eric’s fiancée also decided to end their relationship as he was non-communicative with her about his future commitment to her regarding marriage.

3. What specific coaching skills or approach did you use in this case?

4. Explain your process in detail

Before starting our coaching session, I assured Eric that this was a safe, trusted and confident space between us. I then set the foundation by sharing with him what coaching is all about and that this will not be a counselling, mentoring or therapy session. I explained to Eric our coaching relationship and each other’s responsibilities.

I further told Eric that the agenda for the coaching session was all owned by him. As his coach, I was his partner and will facilitate a systematic coaching process which is very goal directed and results oriented towards achieving Eric’s own desired outcome. My goal was to help and support Eric to discover, expand and fully utilize his inner resources. It was my responsibility to draw out hidden or untapped capabilities from Eric and assist him to formulate effective plans to achieve his desired outcome.

After some initial nervousness, Eric became more comfortable and felt safe enough in this trusting space to talk freely about his fears, values, dreams, hopes and aspirations in complete confidence. He realized that I was there to accept his sharing and that I will act in his best interests at all times.

I remained present in the moment of our conversation by focusing on what Eric was saying to figure out what was important to him. By asking him purposeful and powerful questions, I encouraged Eric to talk to me and understand his needs. At times, I did a fair bit of backtracking, paraphrasing and reframing. This gave Eric an opportunity to confirm or disagree with my reflections of his feelings and made him feel that I was truly listening. This was very effective in gathering vital and relevant information from Eric. This was especially evident when two of my questions had the ability to create awareness and eye opening moments for Eric, enabling him to re-frame his challenge to see it in a new way.

The first shift in Eric’s perception and thinking came when Eric discovered his lack of assertiveness and his inability to say “NO” to a particular colleague who was adopting bullying tactics to pass over additional workloads to Eric. This colleague was also passing negative feedback about Eric in public which has come to the attention of Eric’s superior.

The second “WOW” moment was Eric’s awareness that he has yet to come to terms with a traumatic event, the end of his important long term relationship with his fiancée. Eric was responding with feelings of shock, being in denial, feeling angry and sad. Losing a partner whom Eric trusted and depended on completely was psychologically scary, painful, and stressful. As he was attempting to cope, Eric was displaying all of the normal responses to being in a high-stress state. His appetite and sleep, ability to pay attention and concentrate, energy and motivation, and immune system have all been affected.

My coaching session was guided by a structured process of:

5. What were the results of your process? Was your coaching/program effective? Why? Why not?

Throughout this structured coaching session, I was able to facilitate Eric’s crafting of his self-empowering outcome and its ultimate effects. Eric was able to identify key symptoms and possible causes that were creating his challenges. At the close of the session, Eric was able to map out what needs to fall into place for him to move towards his goal of fulfillment in his personal and professional life.

It was fairly effective as I was able to offer Eric the following during the coaching process:

6. If you could approach this problem again, what would you do differently?

I would have given more support to Eric in identifying his underlying beliefs and to face them head on to make it possible for him to change his unassertive behavior.

At some times, I was too eager and enthusiastic in soliciting replies from Eric and need to refrain from entertaining judgments, opinions or even beliefs about the situation being described to me during a coaching session

I would also have used a NLP coaching technique known as Perceptual Positions that would have enabled Eric to see things from the point of view of others such as his fiancée, colleagues and superior. This ability is a key skill in understanding people and is very important in the communication process and relationships.

7. What are the top 3 things you learnt from this experience?

In conclusion, as I develop my coaching practice, I am continually on a learning journey as I value every coaching session to be an experience and opportunity to seek feedback, learn and improve.