Elizabeth and I met for our coaching session that day. First I applauded her and supported her in the great work she had put into her creating a picture of how she wanted her life to proceed. I thanked her for sharing with me her vision and being so open and honest. I then took the time to point out some of some of Elizabeth’s successes. She had decided to move back home and was actively working at it. She has had a frank and honest discussion with her family about her concerns and how she feels about the family’s direction. And what I observed most importantly for her was that she was no longer questioning her choices. She has a vision she wants to pursue and she is moving forward in that direction. And although I still here some fear of the unknown in her voice, I pointed out that her anxiousness and anticipation in her tone had seemed to have gone away. Elizabeth agreed. She said that she was not entirely sure of what was going to happen next, but that she no longer had the unceasing fear and questioning around her situation. She told me that she recently read The Four Agreements and that had also helped give a different perspective she was reflecting on. Elizabeth appeared to be feeling a little bit more in control and deliberative in her choosing. At the end of this session the assignment she came up for herself was one to help her move closer to the goal of moving home. She set the goal that by our next session in two weeks she would have the contact information of at least four “headhunters” to assist in getting a job closer to her family. With a sense of light in her voice she said good-bye and we will meet again in two weeks.
My experience coaching Elizabeth was one that taught me a great lesson while at the time trying to be of service to my client. Initially, Elizabeth believed she needed some definitive answers to her problems and she sought out someone to give her those answers. Her trust and belief in coaching allowed for her to discover the answers to her circumstance was something that she herself had. It is from that place of ownership that she is able to move forward in a direction that she knows is her own.
My greatest professional victory from working with Elizabeth is also my greatest lesson. Throughout my studies with ICA many quips, quotes and catchphrases are shared. All have value and merit, but their true value is only revealed when you experience it fist hand.
Trust the process is one of those phrases. And up to my latest session I did exactly that in spite of my urge. From day one of our first session I thought the answer to Elizabeth’s circumstance was staring her right in the face. In short, she need to practice self-care and model the change she wanted for her family. During our time together, I made myself aware that this was my own leaning and lessing and I actively stayed away from giving advice to Elizabeth on this matter. I continually told my self to trust the process. And I did for several weeks.
Then at our most recent session that “catchphrase” became true in my practice. It occurred when Elizabeth shared her e-mail with me regarding the exercise of describing her life one year from today. In it she described her family and herself doing and being well. But the one piece that helped to open my eyes was when she stated, “I believe that the above does not mean I should not think or suggest solutions for my son or my husband, but I should not expect they act on things that I wish for them to be or do.”
Up to that point I had all but presupposed that Elizabeth needed to let go of the idea of being able to make her adult sons think, act and behave the way that she saw best. She said she knew she could not make them behave any certain way but she was unable to let go of that thought. But when she discovered for herself that she could model the living she wanted for her family and she could share with them her thoughts and ideas for a better life for them, without having to control their behavior; it gave her a sense of relief. She could stay true to her wants for her family, but also accept that they all had the power and responsibility to make their own choice.
For me that was trusting the process. Because Elizabeth stayed true to herself she came up with a solution and way of looking at things that had never crossed my mind. But she and I got there because she placed her trust in me and put my trust in the process.