It is this pervasive thought that Elizabeth had, that put her in a place of continued questioning of her parenting model. She worried over what is the best way for her to behave so that Robert would make pro-social choices.
It was not until our third coaching session that Elizabeth was at a point that she was able to begin to articulate what she wanted to accomplish through a coaching relationship. Early on and right up to this session, Elizabeth was hopeful of a coach to provide for her an answer or response to how here son is currently behaving so that she could speak her concerns to him and he would change his overall behavior and life’s direction into a positive one. But after reflection and soul searching she was more accepting that she could not control how he thinks and behaves, particularly since he is now a grown man.
Elizabeth decided that her best tool for incorporating positive change into her sons lives was to lead by example. She told me that she wanted to project a positive image that her sons could see and understand. I asked her to describe for me what does that positive image look like. She said she wanted to be back with her family on a daily basis and ultimately be able to model a way of living that her family could understand. It was as this point a clearer vision of what she wanted to gain from coaching began to form. Ultimately, Elizabeth wanted to bring into being the reality she longed for. She wanted to act and not feel as if she was being acted upon. I asked her to share, at this particular moment, what are the goals you would like to achieve? She shared the following:
At the closing of this session I asked Elisabeth’s permission for the suggestion of any activity she could try outside of our coaching session. She gave permission. I asked that she take the time at least once during her day to make some time for herself. I further explained that with all the roles she was now inhabiting, she did not have one that was herself. So if she could take as little as five minutes out of her day to simply sit and be present it may help her to discover different paradigms and perspectives. She agreed to give this activity a try.
Upon our next session Elizabeth shared that after attempting to have an in depth discussion with Robert, she was ready and desiring to put some changes in place as soon as possible. But she also said that she was going to plan out how she would proceed. Elizabeth thought that it best serves her family and herself to return to the east coast; but it also was a good opportunity to model to Robert how to handle the circumstance and not simply drop everything to return back home. She said after some deep thought and conversation with her husband they came to an initial plan.