COACH: Poyee Poon Dorian, PCC
CLIENT: Andrea
In this video Merci Miglino, MCC, “stops the clock” to share her observations on the coaching as it maps against the ICF competencies.These highlights are extremely valuable to anyone wanting to improve their coaching or apply for an ICF credential. If you are interested in becoming a coach, take the next step by filling out our Coach Development Plan.
Watch the full video below and read the transcript.
Observe the ICF Core Competencies in Action
Get a full list of the ICF Coaching Competencies Download Here
Video Timestamp – 4:22
A. Setting the Foundation
2. Establishing the Coaching Agreement
Video Timestamp – 5:45
C. Communicating Effectively
6. Powerful Questioning
Video Timestamp – 10:40
C. Communicating Effectively
7. Direct Communication
Video Timestamp – 24:11
B. Co-creating the Relationship
4. Coaching Presence
Video Timestamp – 30:33
D. Facilitating Learning and Results
9. Designing Actions
Annotated Transcript
In this transcript Merci identifies elements of the coaching session that map across the ICF competencies. These highlights are extremely valuable to anyone wanting to improve their coaching or apply for an ICF credential.
Click here to get a copy of the annotated transcript
PoYee: Good morning Andrea, how are you?
Andrea: Great.
PoYee: Great, I love that bright and shiny smile on your face.
PoYee: So, let’s do a quick check in. I realise this is our first time working together. How are you coming into the session? How are you feeling this morning?
Andrea: I’m great, I had a good sleep and it is a beautiful day.
PoYee: Any particular thoughts you would like to share as we begin our session?
Andrea: No, everything is fine.
P. Ok. So what would you like us to have us at through this conversation in this time. We have twenty minutes which is quite short, but let’s see where we get to.
Andrea: Okay, well I would like to explore a decision we are making with my husband which is potentially moving back to the United States and what I realised in thinking about it is I guess I am scared and I would just like to explore a little bit what that fear is.
PoYee: So it is around your location, moving back to the States and you are noticing you have some fear and you want to explore what that is? Could you more specifically explain the scared feeling you are experiencing?
Andrea: I guess what I am struggling with is on a theoretical and analytical level. I kind of have a grasp of understanding of why a move would be beneficial but there is still something in me nagging and I am assuming it’s a fear of just really getting into that decision and exploring actually, because we really don’t know what city. So there is a lot to do but I feel a little bit stuck with where I am at the moment to action it.
PoYee: Yes, I could see the body posture is a little bit unsettled there. So, with twenty minutes what would be a helpful takeaway for you at the end of our conversation?
Andrea: Well, it would be great to be able to name a little bit what has me so uneasy still about getting into action mode.
PoYee: So, what I am hearing is you want to name what that fear is? So how would you know that we have successfully done that, that we have named it?
Andrea: I guess I would get over it a little. I think I am still anxious a little bit about really just exploring it and starting all the stuff we need to do to be able to make a move happen. I guess that my anxiety would have subsided a little bit so I can get going.
P. Mmm. You have mentioned the words anxiety and anxiousness several times and that unsettled feeling and I am noticing that your body language is a little bit moving around, so what might be a good way to gage at the end that you have gotten through parts of that fear or we have named that fear and that you have got to a good place for you to start taking action?
Andrea: I guess if the tension here in my neck goes away a little as a feel like this (scrunched up).
PoYee: Ah okay, (copies scrunched up feeling) so what does that mean, what does it mean when you are telling us and you are feeling the tension here?
Andrea: I guess I am frozen.
PoYee: Ok. Say more about the frozen feeling you are sensing and also the tension here.
Andrea: I feel like I can’t move, like right now as soon as you mention it I realise I have tensed up.
Merci: I am going to pause us here Andrea and let you think a little bit more about frozen. Nice and interesting word that Poyee picks up on here.
I am recognising a couple of competencies here. It is establishing the agreement but we did it with nice rapport, which builds trust and intimacy, both key core competencies in coaching. Even from the beginning when she said how are you and Poyee acknowledges your smiley face. That is what an acknowledgment looks like, it is noticing somebody. Poyee is also listening very carefully to what Andrea is saying and today we have the benefit of actually seeing the client so she is able to pick up on the language to help reflect back what she is hearing and what she is seeing and then checking in with the client – what is that tension about, how does it feel? So we will go back to Andrea and back to the word ‘frozen’. Go ahead.
Andrea: So frozen for me is that I feel paralysed, I get stuck, I can’t move.
PoYee: You know it is interesting you point out the area of your body where you are feeling frozen. I want to share an analogy with you, which I heard which is very interesting, and see how that lands with you. I once heard that someone is the head of the house but it is the neck that moves the head, so even as the head of the house you still need this important (points to neck) crucial area to move your head so I just wanted to share that with you. I don’t know why it came up for me but it’s like if this (neck) is paralysed then you can’t really have that vision or movement and the ability to see. How did that land with you? It just came to me and I wanted to see how that resonated with you, or maybe not.
Andrea: It totally resonates, it helps pick up on how I am feeling, it helps further that. Because rationally with the head part I know, I have criteria, I feel comfortable, so analytically I am there but it is the neck – so there is clearly something missing beyond the analytical.
PoYee: Oh. Would it be okay if I invite you to do a tiny exercise with me right now and just kind of feel into the tension just to see if we can get some body intelligence? That might be helpful if you are willing I will take us into an exercise.
Andrea: I would love to try it.
PoYee: Ok great, so we are going to begin by finding ourselves in a comfortable seated position with our eyes closed and then we are going to feel into our feet which are firmly planted on the ground. Thee chair is supporting our body and then travelling up through our spine, then we see how our body posture is holding up this morning and really adjust it and feel into any tension. If you have tension in your shoulder blades, relax them and if you re now feeling tension around your neck or over your shoulder area hone into it and feel into it and see whether the tension is tense or soft and how is it really striking you at the moment. Really stay in this moment and let your body speak to you. While we are doing that we are going to focus on the breathing, in and out deeply through our nose, and I am going to invite you to have a connection with your neck especially and then on your shoulders. Then share with me what you are reading how you are feeling right now, particularly in those areas.
Andrea: Still tense, but I guess I am noticing more tension on one side than the other.
PoYee: Describe the tension.
Andrea: Well my shoulder - I guess I am making it like learn forward a little bit, not a good posture and the neck is starting to feel like if I don’t move out of this I am going to be hurting later on.
PoYee: So, let’s really tune into what the body might be telling us. Keep your eyes closed and tell me if your body could speak, if the tension could speak to you right now, what would they want to say to you?
Andrea: I think there are two messages there. One is I definitely have to change what I am doing and the other one is, well I am learning forward so I feel like the Nike commercial ‘Just do it’.
PoYee: So there are two thoughts there.
Merci: And I am going to ask Poyee to hold those two thoughts and for Andrea to stay in the zone there. I just had to point out one of the key competencies in coaching is communicating effectively and that means direct communication. Simple, easy to understand, invitational questions such ‘if it is okay with you, I would like to invite you’ and that keeps the client in control of the session and it is the client’s agenda. So, our coach Poyee does the invitation and so our client here could have said ‘I’m really not into visualisation or I am not going to close my eyes or whatever’ and that would be okay. Poyee is not attached to what her client will agree to or not agree to. However, sensing that Andrea speaks in bodily terms like ‘I feel paralysed’, ‘there is a lot of tension’, she really gave us a clue that Poyee picked up on and said well maybe the body here has the wisdom we need and so engages in this tool of visualisation. I also wanted to note how effective it was because the client says ‘I am leaning forward, I guess I should get going’. Perfect. That’s how beautifully this works. Alright, thank you and back to your visualisation.
PoYee: Okay, Andrea, shall we get our eyes closed again. Let’s pick up where we left off. There were two thoughts there. What are those two thoughts again?
Andrea: That I should stop approaching this the way I have been and maybe change something about the way I am framing this and the second one was a sensation of just go ahead and do it.
PoYee: So as you are articulating those two thoughts, how is the rest of the body responding to that?
Andrea: My feet are moving around but my jaw just tensed up.
PoYee: Jaw tensed up? What do you think that could be about?
Andrea: Well, it could be the fear, I’m not sure.
PoYee: Okay. So if we took it one step further and have a dialogue internally with the jaw and with the tension you are experiencing right now, at the moment, what do you think they would want to tell you about the fear?
Andrea: Well it definitely has me paralysed as I focus on the word fear, I am having trouble breathing so I guess it is a big stumbling block.
PoYee: Since you said there is a little trouble in your breathing right now lets go ahead and move our tension very gently to our breath and we are going to do a deep inhalation and exhalation through our nose a couple of times and we will do it together and then I will have you do it at your own rhythm afterwards. So let’s regulate ourselves and see where we get to – so now, inhale and long deep breath, spine towards the sky and exhale, slowly, deeply, release tension and stress. One more time inhale, long deep breath, spine upwards and exhale. Slowly, deeply, relieves tension and stress. Andrea now I am going to let you do two more breathes at your own rhythm and when you are done let me know. Keep your eyes closed.
Andrea: (Andrea breathes slowly with eyes closed).
PoYee: So now gently move our attention back so the tension and shoulders. How are you feeling right now, especially around the area where you felt tension earlier.
Andrea: Well my jaw is feeling better and I can breathe and the neck is still tense but now it is more focalised in one area and the shoulders are loosening up.
PoYee: Oh good. So your shoulders are loosening up and there is a bit more balance than before. Then let me ask you the tension and the paralysed feeling, you mentioned those words quite a few times during our conversation so far. What does paralysed mean for you and how does that feel to have that sensation within you?
Merci: Alright Stop the clock. Andrea, can you consider that and marinate it for a few seconds. I wanted to point out two things here. Curiosity is one of the biggest observable behaviours we see in coaching. It is fashioned in a way by the questions the coach asks and what they are noticing. So here we notice definitely the curiosity, Poyee uses the word ‘what’ when she starts her questions. Y’know ‘what is your body saying if it could speak’ and then being curious about how it feels after this exercise. The other thing that I am always asked when I am training coaches, is what is the difference between style and the coaching process. You know I am very serious about the coaching process but style is exactly what we are seeing here. Poyee has a particular style. It is very much body wisdom, body focus and Andrea seems to be going along with it. We don’t really know whether this is something familiar or not but we notice the client is really still leading the session. The coach is using a tool but the client is still leading the session. What I am noticing here is the competency of creating awareness, bringing to the forefront this fear, this paralysed feeling and we are beginning to unpack what that is about so I just wanted to note that. Alright, back to you guys.
PoYee: Andrea, any time you are ready you can choose to close your eyes or have our eyes open.
Andrea: (eyes open). Okay I guess I have been reflecting on paralysing and what I mean by that and it is and I wish I could be contributing more to the conversation – where to move – right now my husband is in that driver seat and I need to be either in the driver seat or co-pilot seat but I feel like I am in the back of the car still and I want to get into the front.
PoYee: That’s a lovely metaphor. So, what I am hearing is you wanting to contribute to the location of where your family move to. If you are in the back seat and your husband is in the driver’s seat, where is the rest of the family?
Andrea: Well they are with me back here. Well they actually don’t know anything (laughs). I need to know where we are going before I get them in the car.
PoYee: So there are different ways. If I really get into the metaphor of sitting in a car in the back seat and your husband is in the driver’s seat there are really a myriad of ways for you to get the front seat, or the driver’s seat. So what are some of the ways that you haven’t explored and its possible for you to take that first step? To physically use that metaphor to get to the driver’s seat.
Andrea: I guess right now what have I been doing, I guess I have been more in the role of helping him clarify his own thoughts but I am not coming along and I need to do that myself. So we have had great conversations to really understand what is making him uneasy about where we are at and where we want to be etc but so far it has been more about him and I need to bring myself on board.
PoYee: What would that look like if you bring yourself on board?
Andrea: I guess just have more clarity for me as an individual and all the aspects about me. Right now it is more about him, I am very focused on him and his wellbeing but where am I as a person and as a Mom, as a professional? I need to really focus on me and my wellbeing to be able to actually get into that co-pilot or driving seat.
PoYee: I see a smile on your face as you are describing it, how is your body responding to what you are saying?
Andrea: Well there is a lot of release of tension. My shoulders are moving now.
PoYee: Oh nice. Now, I notice that you have moved quite a few times after having your family. How is this different from other times that you have moved?
Andrea: The kids are getting older and I have an assumption – I grew up as an ex-pat child and my memories are of growing up and moving every two or three years. My oldest is getting to that age where it was most difficult. So I am assuming it could be as difficult for her because it is basically trying to have them settled in one place for their teenage years. It is hard enough being a teenager and then adding relocation to it makes the search for identity much harder. I have lived it and I have clarity on that so it is an added pressure that I didn’t have before. Before it was well it’ll be an adventure and it is two or three years in another place and every place has its pros and its cons and you make do wherever you are at. I have moved so many times I know it is doable but this time it is the added pressure of whether it will be okay for them and I want to help them avoid some of that anxiety and tension that a move in your teenage years can have.
PoYee: Yeah, definitely there is another consideration with kids getting bigger. I wanted to bring back the threat here that I picked up and see what may be the connection. So earlier you said you had this fear, paralysed, and just now you said it is because you had been more sitting at the back seat. So any correlation between the fear and sitting in the back seat, has it been resolved now? Now that we have had a conversation around it? Where are you sitting with that fear?
Andrea: I think I have started to name the fear and the fear is that I haven’t done the work myself. I have been focused on the others and if I am not doing well the family is a disaster so I really need to bring myself along.
PoYee: So the fear is you haven’t really been taking care of yourself and really naming what you need. Anything else?
Andrea: I am sure things will really surface along the way but I think that is what is really stopping me. I have done this so many times that I have got clarity on how to do it and what to do next but if I don’t clarify things for myself it is just empty exercises you know so I guess I really need to go inside with more introspection.
Merci. Ok. Stop the clock. How clear are you? Hang on to that thought Andrea and I want to notice first and foremost what acknowledgement sounds like. It is kind of just recognising somebody isn’t it. It isn’t a compliment. You don’t hear Poyee saying ‘I agree with you in any way shape or form’ but really acknowledging what she is hearing. The other is communicating effectively and designing actions, those two competencies. What I noticed is that the questions are simple and direct and they have the greatest positive impact to the client and that really is showing up here because each time Andrea responds we hear a little bit more awareness – we begin to connect this beautiful metaphor with taking action – you know what will be one step – and asking those powerful questions. People often ask in coaching ‘what is a powerful question’ and that is any question that gets your client thinking or moving. They are very simple. This observation that Poyee has shared that on the one hand you talk about this fear, and this paralysation, and you use the metaphor of driving in a car but you are in the back seat, you are not in control and seeing what those two things have to do with each other. That shared observation with no other intention is to get our client to perhaps see something they are not seeing. So I will let you resume and back to your Andrea with your last thought.
Andrea: Yes well this will be useful to help me start naming that fear and I didn’t realise that it was my lack of clarity around me. I had assumed it was a lack of clarity on a criteria I was missing that should be taken into consideration on where we are moving, but I guess the biggest fear is what do I need from this move. My husband has clarified what he needs. With a lot of thought process and research I have seen the impact for the kids and although I haven’t asked them directly I have more clarity over what they want and need as individuals at this point. But, I need to bring myself on board a little bit. Well much more, into the front part of the car.
PoYee: I like what you said earlier. You need to figure out where to go before you get the whole gang in the car.
Andrea: Exactly.
PoYee: So, where are you now in relation to that metaphor. Are you sitting in the back seat, are you out of the car or are you getting ready to climb into the front seat?
Andrea: I think I am ready to get out of the car and just go back to me and focus a little bit on me before I can get back into the co-pilot seat.
PoYee: Okay, so what do you need that is going to help you go back into the me, to get you ready to go into the co-pilot seat?
Andrea: I guess I need to do a lot of introspection and reflection and ask myself some hard questions. Basically mirror the conversation I helped my husband have but just apply it to myself.
PoYee: It sounds to me that you are that support figure to your husband, so who is going to support you along this journey?
Andrea: Well I have got a lot of friends so I will be alright.
PoYee: Okay, so now you are out of the car, what other possible next step might you want to take that is going to even propel us further?
Andrea: I think I might write a little bit. Just put things on paper. That helps me really clarify my thoughts, choosing the right word etc. Although I am not a big writer, it is exactly because I am not such a big writer it really helps me once I can put it in writing and put words to it, it will help me clarify what this move will be about for me.
PoYee: So writing could be a possible first step. Anything else in terms of taking care of your body? Sister body gave you a very loud signal (laughs).
Andrea: I live on a mountain and I have got to get out there more I think, just explore and have a little bit more of alone time to be in my head. It’s sad with all the noise we have today, all the information bombarding us, I really need to be more pro-active and step outside of that more often and just take longer walks with the dog.
PoYee: Would that be a commitment (laughs)?
Andrea: (laughs) Yes, that would be a commitment.
PoYee: It is a commitment and I know how to get in touch with you and you know how to get in touch with me. I also just wanted to offer xxxxx there in terms of support today.
Andrea: Thank you.
PoYee: We are close to the end of our session. How are you feeling right now in your body and in your thoughts?
Andrea: I am feeling more energised and less tense and motivated which is important. I feel like I really do want to get out to that mountain and start going so thank you very much.
PoYee: Great and thank you. It was really a privilege and joy and fun to have this conversation. Stay in touch.
Andrea: I will.
Merci: Thank you Andrea. Alright so we have wrapped it up. I have just one thing to add then I am going to ask Poyee what she has noticed about the coaching process. It is a learning experience. Coaching is a learning experience and coaches facilitate learning and results. In doing that, I liked her questions about ‘how do you get yourself into the front seat’, ‘what do you need to do that’, ‘what might be your next steps’ and inviting the client to articulate what she has learned in this session about stuff, about how she is seeing the situation and of course moving into progress, we know progress requires some kind of accountability and commitment and so Poyee asked the beautiful question ‘will that be a commitment’. So there is a lovely way to invite the client to commit to something the client agrees she should be doing more of so I just couldn’t let those two things go.
So Poyee, what did you notice about it in terms of the competencies of coaching, the whole process.
PoYee: I think I noticed not as much as you noticed because I was very much in the moment. It was actually very interesting to have the ‘stop’ and hear the commentary from your end because I think my style is when I am right there in the moment with the client, it will really just be a relational space to have a conversation really get her to have that awareness and have a helpful takeaway - so it was very insightful actually to have you stop and offer your observations.
Merci: I find this really helpful and that’s why we do it. I experienced it myself and I found it very helpful.
So quickly, Andrea as the client, is there anything you would want to say? Because you are also a coach, so..?
Andrea: No, this is great because I had never experienced a coaching session where I was focused on my body so I think I carry a lot of information there and it was very enlightening and exciting to see what exploring that can do. It was a very interesting session for me and I think it did give me a lot of clarity.
Merci. Thank you both for being part of Stop the Clock today.
About PoYee Poon Dorrian
PoYee is a multicultural executive coach and facilitator with over 25 years of professional experience with a specific focus on bringing purposeful leadership to individuals and organizations.
PoYee specializes in leadership facilitation and coaching with senior and executive teams. Her clients include the following industries: aerospace, FMCG, telecommunications, logistics, financial services, computing, manufacturing, and hospitality.
Originally from Hong Kong, PoYee was educated in the US, Hong Kong, and China. She lived in Shanghai for 10 years and returned to her U.S. home in Columbus, Ohio in 2014. Apart from coaching and facilitation, PoYee is passionate about yoga practice, running, meditation, and holistic wellness. She believes conscious leadership begins with a liberated spirit of authenticity which illuminates a sense of inter connectedness, thereby leads the global community with purpose and collective wisdom.
PoYee is fully tri-lingual. She is fluent in English, Mandarin, and Cantonese.
Lives: Ohio, United States
ICA Trainer: July 2017
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/poyee-poon-dorrian-潘寶儀