It’s quite common for new coaches to lack confidence and this is completely normal. Having training coaches for over 15 years we see this quite a lot. So, what can you do about it? Well there are a few things you can do:
You are not there to fix anything
The first thing you would look at, is a check-in with your paradigm. What framework are you using to think about coaching? Coaching is actually a very client driven. Is there anything in your paradigm where you are thinking you need to fix something…? That is quite common for our students because they often come to coaching from training background, consulting background or health background where part of their job was to fix things for the client. In coaching you’re not there to fix anything. Just knowing that can really help with a coach’s confidence. The client has the answers and knows what they need to do. As a coach your job is to just to be there for them.
Bearing Witness
The next thing you need to look at is that it’s quite powerful just to hold the space for the client. Sometimes this is called bearing witness. And really what it means is just being there for someone when they speak the truth. Just that can make a huge difference. It can actually make things for the client seem like they’ve been heard and that in itself is enough without you even doing anything. If you can then do some active listening and listen very carefully to what the client saying and pick up on a few things it’s a bonus but honestly just to be there in the same space and allow the client to have that time is really powerful.
Structure and Accountability
The other thing is to not to underestimate is the power of structure & accountability. So, coaching is one of the ways it works. It’s not the conversation between the coach and the client but the structures very important. So, that very thing that having somewhere to go every single week is quite powerful. And as a coach being able to check in with the client “how did you go with the goal you mentioned to me last week?” that in itself is very powerful.
Once again you’re not really doing anything but just providing that structures and that space. I think it’s just a human nature thing that for whatever reason we are much more likely to do something if we tell another person were going to do it like going to gym or whatever. I can tell myself “I’m going to exercise” and it’s very easy to let myself off the hook but if I tell somebody else “I’m going to exercise” I’m more likely to do it. So just an accountability thing where once again you’ve done nothing other than just being there.
Feel the fear
Then if you’re still not feeling confident another great strategy is the old feel the fear and do it anyway fake it till you make it. And it is really all about showing up being there for that hour and just acting as if you’re already an amazing coach which actually you are. If you do that for a few times and your brain can actually starts to rewire itself and you do feel more confident.
I’m good enough
Another big one is to look at whether you are suffering from the I’m not enough syndrome. And this is prevalent particularly amongst women, the whole idea that you’re not good enough, you’re not a good enough parent, you’re not a good enough employee, you’re not a good enough partner and you’re not a good enough coach. I’ve got an exercise to do. Say to yourself your name and you’re good enough – “I’m Robyn and I’m a coach and I am good enough”. Just do that little exercise, you can even write it down “I’m Robyn and I’m a coach and I am good enough” and just notice what’s comes up. What’s sorts of thoughts and feelings come out when you write that down? Once you got the list of those sorts of feelings that came up, just cross each one of them off. Spend some time acknowledging to yourself that you don’t have to be anymore more than who you already are. Just showing up for your client is going to be enough.
Embrace failure
And finally embrace failure because you are going to sometimes do something that you think you could have done better or even maybe your client will give you feedback if you’re lucky. And those moments are like gold. Because if you are new and you’re starting as a coach and if you’re just enrolled in our program for example, it is a fact that you will get better and better. And you will develop skills and knowledge that you don’t have now. But to do that you’re going to have to fail and you’re going have to ok with it. So that’s the final thing that I would suggest.
So all those things take one board just do it and you will be fantastic!