A Research Paper By Nathalie Legault, Leadership Coach, Women Leaders Coach, Change of Mindset Coach, CANADA
TAF Awareness Coaching Tool
The TAF awareness coaching tool has induced a fortunate transformation for me, a woman leader that had just faced significant obstacles in her life! With my transformation in mind, I researched evidence to substantiate a compelling coaching model.
I discovered that coaching may help empower women leaders to identify and embrace their belief systems. In addition, it provides more fulfillment at work and at the same time, in other areas of their lives.
In this research paper, I will first explore how researchers identify some illusions about belief systems. I will explain the impact on human beings and provide correlated examples from women in leadership positions. Second, I will show how researchers use the awareness of the relationship between Thoughts, Actions, and Feelings (TAF) to discover and improve their client’s well-being. Third, I will look at uncontrollable factors that may limit women leaders from empowering themselves and achieving their full potential. Finally, I will look at how coaching may help women leaders transform and find their path toward fulfillment.
Thoughts, Actions, and Feelings (TAF)
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Research Review and Women Leader Examples
People believe their feelings. ‘If it feels real, it is real!’(Burns, 1990)(1). Burns’ research illustrates that what is real or true is not the events but that our perceptions and thoughts about these events create emotional responses. Events can be perceived in two different ways by two individuals. We can observe this with two children with the same parents, living at the same place, going to the same school, and living the same existence. They will likely not remember the exact stories because each individual constructs their belief system. Each belief system affects their thinking, emotions, and behaviors.
In a business context, a threat to a woman leader might not be a threat to a man. They both have their angles and lens due to their experiences and belief systems. Their perception is also linked to their evaluation of their self-worth.
Perceptions, and the relationship to our belief systems, can conflict with what we want to achieve consciously. Here is an example:
A woman leader could consciously want to get out of a job, have a good work-life balance, avoid conflictual relationships, and help her employees feel good. However, she constantly feels frustrated, angry, and hopeless and has no energy to achieve her goal. Chances are that she has underlying beliefs limiting her ability to achieve what she wants. These beliefs are not only automatic but unconscious.
Unconscious thoughts are the way we spontaneously think about situations. Particular automatic Thoughts likely exist from being trained or conditioned at a young age. We react in specific ways, see certain things, discard others, or know what is good or bad. The training or conditioning could have come from our education, family values, and experiences. It may be conscious to a certain extent.
But most of the time, our automatic thoughts are unconscious, as some come from previous generations or throughout childhood and adulthood. We have integrated these beliefs completely in other contexts.
Unconscious thoughts could come from a situation where we were yelled at or reprimanded for not doing what our parents expected of us. It could stem from feeling rejected or being told we were not trustable. Depending on the circumstance, these unconscious thoughts could result in self-worth beliefs that we are not intelligent enough, can’t be trusted, and are a disappointment.
They are so automatic that they drive us despite our willingness to do the contrary. We do not even realize that they are there. They filter out certain realities and let others in until our belief structures blind us.
For example, a woman leader in finance will consciously train herself to think and speak like male Chief Financial Officers and businessmen. Her focus on delivering sharp financial strategies will come automatically over the years. She will move mountains to satisfy profit margins. She will not let herself be affected by emotions felt by a person being laid off, for instance, and not even by her feelings. Unconsciously, the woman may tell herself that it is weak to show emotions and that she is not allowed to talk about them. Eventually, the accumulation of conflictual repressed emotions will exert tremendous pressure on her well-being. It might lead to a great deal of anxiety and frustration and might reduce her confidence. She may unconsciously block herself from getting what she wants. More commonly said, ‘She will be in her own way!’
Burns identifies delusions or thoughts that can be amplified, especially in stressful situations. Burns’ research reveals that sudden negative changes in the way people feel, or persistent pessimistic feelings, are always the result of distorted negative thinking(2). Fortunately, they can be recognized easily and worked on with the use of proper strategies exercised.
Some real-life examples include ‘imposter syndrome’, which touches upon perceptions of disqualifying the positive. Furthermore, we often hear somebody use phrases such as, ‘My boss does not understand me’ (‘labeling’ according to Burn). Or ‘she wants me out’ (referred to as ‘personalization’ and ‘jumping to conclusions’). These Thoughts are negative and induce anxiety. They could be replaced by ‘my boss does understand me most of the time’ or ‘she is not after me. She must have a lot of other challenges on her plate. Only saying those more realistic Thoughts reduces the anxiety.
To further complicate our perceptions, some people have recurring pessimistic feelings that seem comfortable since they have felt them all their lives. They imagine it is part of who they are as they do not know how else they could think. They are in their comfort zone. This acceptance is why they get stuck in repeating unhelpful patterns.
Given the topics above regarding Burns’ work and the influence our perceptions have on our thoughts, it explains well why people get stuck in given situations. It could lead to the kinds of relationships they choose, the same conflicts they have with people, and it can even lead to auto-sabotage.
Knowing that Thoughts in belief systems might be distorted and counterproductive to women leaders’ ambitions is a considerable awareness. And becoming mindful of the potential distortion is the most significant step toward change!
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Awareness Is Critical for Discovering and Changing the Relationship Between Thoughts, Actions, and Feelings
Knowing the tricks your mind can play on you is an eye-opener but does not transform you. So how can we do that?
Every action and feeling is preceded by a thought. By James Allen
The good news is that numerous research studies demonstrate that changing your unhelpful perceptions with helpful thoughts can be the best way to move forward. In addition, research suggests that it immediately lifts your spirits and helps you achieve your goals.
This field of study and practice is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. It is still the number one go-to for therapists and Cognitive Behavioral Coaching or CBC for coaches.
As we were introduced to Burns’ work above, it is essential to know that he is renowned for his studies and techniques of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). He has demonstrated the benefits of his exercises in everyday life, as we all have bad days, conflicts, low energy, low self-esteem, guilt, or resentment.
Sometimes you feel very good for a period, away from an unconscious threat. And one day, somebody tells you or does something to you, and your emotions rise. In these cases, there is a ‘silent assumption’, a ‘core limiting belief’, the cause, the trigger of it all! At times it is this illusion that defines your personal worth. It is deeply rooted and hidden, but you can find it with CBT and CBC.
Cognitive Behavioral Coaching uses the same methods based on scientific evidence that thoughts and feelings directly relate to unhelpful behaviors. As a result, it helps people move forward and become productive in their desired direction.
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Uncontrollable Factors Affecting Women Leaders
What’s Gender Got to Do With It?
Even with an earnest effort, women will most likely be influenced by unconscious thoughts and deeply rooted beliefs. As a result, they may inhibit their empowerment from thinking, feeling, and acting the way they want.
Dr. Kristin Neff, in ‘Fierce Self-Compassion’ published in 2021(3), advances that women did not choose to have unconscious stereotypes. She explains that gender biases are so pervasive that we no longer see them; they are like the air we breathe. For instance, research indicates that even with higher grades, women will see themselves as less self-confident than men. Yet, the grade information is ignored because it doesn’t fit their (schema) patterns of thoughts or behaviors.
One of her statements was an eye-opener for me: “Gender-role socialization means that men and women are only allowed to be half human.”And not being your complete, authentic self is precisely how I felt! I often said I was like a ‘Mini-Wheat’ at work and home. I was only able to be one side at a time. I did not like the dry side at work, but this is what got me promoted!
Why Now? What Is the Urgency?
Deloitte’s (4)survey‘Women @ work 2022’ clearly demonstrated that working women were immensely impacted during the pandemic. Results show that 46% of women surveyed report feeling burned out.
The McKinsey & Company (5)survey of 65,000 employees on the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic reveals that women leaders are switching jobs at the highest rates ever seen—and at higher rates than men in leadership! They refer to this period as the “Great Breakup”.
Both surveys explain that the women’s workloads increased, and recognition was more challenging when working a great deal from home and away from the office. They felt excluded. Women tended to focus more on their teams’ emotional health and well-being. As a result, they suffered more and did more to combat it. Ironically, offering so much support to others did, in turn, increase their stress levels and burnout.
For many women, these stressful pandemic times at work were also coupled with other highly emotional events in their personal lives. As a result, women had no more time to take care of their own emotional well-being needs.
In summary, if we add the gender biases and the generational beliefs discussed above, we can observe that women had a high level of mental pressure brought to the surface during the pandemic.
TAF Awareness Tool
Like many women leaders in the world, I also went through difficult times during the pandemic. Major events happened in my life and made me realize the volume of repressed emotions and unhelpful beliefs creating obstacles in my life.
Fortunately, I was introduced to coaching with the TAF awareness tool. It helped me reveal unhelpful TAF combinations to the light, releasing weight almost every time. I felt lighter as the process unfolded, and it gave me the space and the courage to re-own my power. As a result, I chose more fulfilling and sustainable TAF combinations. Coaching shed some light on untapped resources in me, and I began to feel the inner transformation.
With this coaching experience and the evidence presented in this research paper, coaching with the TAF awareness tool is helpful. Understanding and transforming the visible and invisible parts of our Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions change the course of our journey.
It is a relief that coaching may help empower women leaders to identify and embrace their belief systems. In addition, it provides more fulfillment at work and, at the same time, in other areas of their lives.
Women may realize that they were continually seeking this but didn’t know it because they had gotten lost in the maze!
Enjoy your journey to your true best self!
References
David D. Burns, M.D. (1990) (Whole Care edition published in 1999). Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy The Clinically Proven Drug-free Treatment for Depression
Burns, D. D. (2015). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Harper
Distorted Negative Thinking by David Burns
Kristin Neff, Ph.D. (2021) Fierce Self-Compassion - How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive
Women @ Work report from Deloitte, a survey of 5,000 women across ten countries
Women in the Workplace 2022, a survey of 40,000 employees over 333 organizations
Pictures: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/ac/Iceberg.jpg
ICA URL: https://forum.icacoach.com/discussion/150738/empowering-women-leaders-with-the-compelling-taf-awareness-coaching-tool/p1?new=1