A Coaching Power Tool By Nathalie Legault, Leadership Coach, Women Leaders Coach, Change of Mindset Coach, CANADA
How Do Resisting vs. Releasing Affect Positive Change?
What if we could release the Resistance that makes us angry, stuck, or impedes us from moving forward?
Sometimes, we are our worst enemies. But where do these enemies come from?
Our ‘inner enemies’ are referred to, in this power tool, as the invisible resistance within us. It comes from the subconscious data that has been transferred to us by our parents and previous generations. It comes from our learnings from education, society, friends, experiences, etc. It is the invisible submerged part of the iceberg.
If the Resistance is invisible and hidden, how can we bring it to the surface?
Your TAF (1)is your compass, your sonar that will guide you to find the source of the distorted behavior. Find the Thought and the Feeling associated with that behavior. With a little practice, you may identify the hidden limiting belief. By becoming aware of an unhelpful TAF combination, you may immediately release some negative energy, automatically reducing the pressure.
Resisting vs. Releasing Power Tool
To illustrate the Resisting vs. Releasing Power Tool, I will explain a real-life situation, then enumerate the 4 steps of the power tool. And finally, I will walk through the 4 questions in a real-life example.
A Real-Life Example of Signals of Resistance?
The kind of Resistance that manifests itself through actions, Feelings, and Thoughts (‘TAF’) such as:
Actions: When we are stuck, and we do not know what to do at all! We do not feel good, and we do not know what is going on in our life.
Feelings: You may feel angry at some colleagues in department ‘X’ and frustrated and overwhelmed whenever they ask you something at work!
Thoughts: The associated Thoughts could be ‘they do not respect me’, ‘they do not appreciate all the work that I do, and they always ask more’. ‘They will probably complain to my boss, and I’ll fire me in the next round!’
‘I’ll be fired because I am not as good as the others (i.e., The limiting belief)
4-Step Power Tool
Here is a 4-stepPower Tool to identify your Resistance and to Release it. Use as often as you need:
- Identify the Feeling that is bugging you in this preoccupying situation. Do not think about the cause yet, only the emotion that makes you uncomfortable. Try to choose the most significant one. Feel it deeply in your body and close your eyes to locate and feel its intensity.
Write down the description of your Feeling, and try to name it as precisely as possible, as there are many nuances between sadness and joy(3). Describe the intensity in your body and its magnitude of it. Do you feel this weight on your shoulders, oppression on your chest, shortness of breath, etc.?
- Listen to your Thoughts about this situation. What are you telling yourself? Are any inner voices talking to you? Are you hearing blame, revenge, or guilt, … What age do you have when you hear those inner voices?
Write them down.
- What does this Feeling do to you (e.g., headaches, energy loss, sleep issues, etc.)? Think about all the situations where that Feeling did that to you. Then, try to imagine who you would be without that Feeling. What would you do differently if that Feeling was not there? What could you achieve if it was not there anymore?
Write it down.
- Refocus on your Feeling and virtually hold it in your hands, close to your heart. Feel its energy and pain. Only concentrate on the Feeling, not the situation or the actions. Remain focused on your Feeling energy in your hands for 60 seconds only. The release of its energy will happen alone. Then open your hands to virtually release it and let it go. It will evaporate, dissolve, and disappear. Give yourself compassion each time for going through this.
Enjoy the lightness and redo until all feelings affecting your behavior in this situation come up.
Enjoy again! Feel the space available for that new perspective. You may draw some learnings from this release, generate new ideas, and have fun. You will probably have more creativity to move forward and feel the power to choose what to do next.
If there are residual emotionally charged thoughts, you may do the ’Work’ created by Katie Byron (2). After answering the 3 first questions above, concentrate on one Thought you have about this situation and turn it around to Release it.
Real-Life Answers With the 4-Step Power Tool:
- I feel angry at them. My face turns red, and my neck gets very tense. I become frustrated with everybody.
- I hear ‘they do not respect me’, ‘they do not appreciate all my work, and they always ask more’. ‘They will probably complain to my boss and fire me in the next round!’
‘I’ll be fired because I am not as good as the others’
- It changes my attitude for the rest of the day. I am still frustrated when I go to bed and dream about it. I lose good hours of sleep, which does not help. I even got frustrated at my children even though they did nothing serious.
- I close my eyes and concentrate on my face turning red, on my tense neck and frustration. I hold those feelings in my hands close to my heart and feel them intensely for 60 seconds. Then, when I open my eyes and hands, I feel it going away, and I feel relieved.
Replacing question 4 by turning that Thought around as in ‘The Work’(2):
Turning ‘They do not respect me’ could be turned around as:
- ‘They DO respect me.’
- ‘I do not respect them.’
- ‘I do not respect myself.
Remember, when you do everything you are supposed to. Still, something is preventing you from succeeding. It is time to go in before going out! It’s time to use this powerful tool!
And finally, seek out support from a professional coach if needed. Sometimes, it’s helpful to talk through your thoughts with someone else who can provide a new perspective and offer guidance.
Enjoy your journey!
References
TAF coaching tool published on the ICA forum
Katie Byron's 2018 book. “A Mind at Home with Itself - How Asking Four Questions Can Free Your Mind, Open Your Heart, and Turn Your World Around”. Living the revolutionary process called "The "Work."
Use an 'Emotion Wheel' that can be found on the net.
https://forum.icacoach.com/discussion/150737/resisting-vs-releasing - latest