A Coaching Power Tool By Josh Bolland, Teen and Parent Coach, BRAZIL
Burden vs. Load Definitions
There is a beautiful passage in the Bible about the power of community. In the letter to the Galatians, chapter 6, the writer tells the readers to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ.”(Galatians) The Law of Christ is to “Love others, even as you love yourself.” (Romans) Therefore, as a member of a community, recognizing the burden someone carries and sharing its weight is a great act of love.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a burden is a “duty or responsibility that is hard to bear.” (Burden) Duties and responsibilities are natural to have when you are part of a community. At work, it may be someone’s duty or responsibility to complete tasks in a project or to oversee the work of others for the business to succeed. In a family, it may be someone’s duty or responsibility to parent the children so they can become emotionally stable adults. A student has the duty or responsibility of studying at school or completing the tasks of group work so that they and their peers can advance in their studies, find their passions, and become well-informed and productive citizens. In all of the communities mentioned previously, individuals play a part to ensure the whole functions as it should and common goals are attained. However, sometimes, those responsibilities or duties become too heavy for the individual.
Unfortunately in our modern world, principally in places where the Western mentality of individualism prevails, there is an expectation that people deal with their own problems. (Lyons) At work, individuals who have a hard time saying no may take on more work than they can realistically handle and then feel it is their duty to complete those tasks without asking for help. This may be reinforced by colleagues’ and bosses’ attitudes or words. In a family structure, culture often dictates that one parent, usually the woman, takes on the responsibility of raising children in addition to other tasks; even working full-time! In the school environment, students’ academic progress and merit depend on their effort and ability. Those who seek help are looked at as lazy or needy. Is it any wonder then that stress is so high in these communities and the feeling of burden so prevalent? How different the world would be if our communities were more aware of the needs of their members!
But as the ancient hermetic principle teaches, all truths are half-truths. (Kybalion) Just as the role of the community in supporting the individual is necessary for the well-being of the individual, the individual also has a role in the community’s vitality. Irresponsibility and the unwillingness to contribute to collective good cause an undue burden on the community. Returning to the biblical passage mentioned previously, the writer states later, “for each one should carry their own load.” (Galatians)
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a load is “the amount of work to be done by a person.” (Load) Perhaps we can define it better in our context as tasks or responsibilities taken willingly and which fit within the capability of the person assuming them. When an individual takes on their load for the community, the community is then able to advance towards its collective goals or aspirations. At work, when individuals carry their loads, the business can meet its demands and prosper. When individual parents carry their load, children develop stronger emotionally and find their place in society. When individual students carry their load, the classroom becomes a place of learning, investigation, and dialogue; all important for the formation of a healthy citizenry.
As such, it becomes clear that for communities and individuals to succeed, burdens must be lightened to where they become loads: a responsibility within the capability and willingness of the individual member of the community.
Identifying the Burden Perspective
One day, a cart driver was driving along a road when he came near a neighbor carrying such a heavy burden that the man was barely able to walk. His shoulders sagged from its weight and he moved slowly with an expression of exhaustion. Out of compassion, the cart driver offered the man a ride, which he gratefully accepted. After a short while, the cart driver turned to speak to the man and noticed he was still carrying the burden. Surprised, he said, “Why are you still carrying your burden after I offered you a ride so you could rest from it?” The man replied, “Thank you for the ride, but I can’t expect your animal to carry both my pack’s weight and my own!” (Araujo)
Clearly, the burdened man in this story saw it as his responsibility or duty to carry the weight on his back. Whether it was self-imposed (responsibility) or externally imposed (duty), he was unwilling to allow the weight to be carried by another…even though it eventually was! Had the cart driver been a coach, he could have attempted to evoke awareness of the man’s burden and the limiting beliefs that kept him carrying it by bringing the man’s attention to his posture, his energy level, and his choice of words. His coaching session could have gone something like this:
Cart Driver: “I noticed your shoulders appear to be slumped, what’s causing that?”
Man: “I’ve got this pack that I have to take to the market, and it’s a bit heavy.”
Cart Driver: “Your energy level seems really low. I saw you dragging your feet while you walked. Have you been carrying that heavy pack for a long time?”
Man: “Yes, I am a bit tired. I have been on the road for several days now. I can’t wait to be able to drop this pack off at my destination!”
Cart Driver: “So, you’re carrying a heavy pack, it is tiring you out, and you can’t wait to get it off of you. It sounds like a burden to me…how would you describe it?”
Man: “I agree with you. It does feel like a burden, but it’s my duty to get it to the destination, not your animal’s.”
Cart Driver: “You said, ‘Duty’. It sounds like someone expects you to get this pack to the market and you don’t want to disappoint them.”
Man: “Yes, my family needs this pack to be delivered ASAP so we can sell what is inside it and pay off a debt we owe.”
As coaches, we can help clients identify burdens by calling attention to words and postures that demonstrate heaviness in relation to a sense of responsibility or duty. A real-life example is the following. Julia was a homeschooling mother who was feeling overwhelmed by all of the things she had to do and was looking for ways to manage her time better. When she talked about homeschooling her kids, she was excited. But as she enumerated all of the additional activities required to keep the home running smoothly, her energy level dropped and she used phrases like, “I have to…”, “It’s my responsibility…”, and “no one else can do it.” As she explored the possibility of getting help from her husband, and kids or contracting someone to clean for her, it became clear that her burden was coming from her vision of what it meant to be a homeschooling mom. All of the homeschooling mothers she followed on social media always seemed to be able to do everything themselves and with a smile. She felt it was her duty to uphold this image, especially as she lived in a country where homeschooling was not commonly practiced. Further coaching questions helped her connect her lack of energy with her sense of duty to uphold the image she and others had created. From there, it was a matter of shifting her perspective from homeschooling and house management being a burden to finding ways it could become a load she was able to manage happily.
Shifting from Burden to Load
The key to shifting from burden to load is not to take away the responsibility or duty a client feels towards something, but to explore ways to clarify or change their understanding or perception of those responsibilities or duties.
In the story above, the cart driver/coach’s questions have brought to light the significance of the pack to the man and his sense of duty surrounding it but have not yet addressed why the man continues to carry it despite the help the horse offers. Returning to the cart driver’s coaching session:
Cart Driver: “I understand now the importance you give to getting the pack to the market. But I am curious. My horse is taking us to the market and yet you continue to carry the pack. What makes you hold on to this burden?”
Man: “My family gave me this responsibility to deliver and sell the pack and then pay off the debt. What would they think of me if I gave my responsibility to a horse?!”
Cart Driver: “I heard several responsibilities in your statement. Your family asked you to deliver the pack, to sell what is inside it, and to pay off the family debt with the money you earned. Which of these do you think is the most important to your family?”
Man: “Now that you put it like that, they probably only care that I am able to sell the pack for a price that allows me to pay our debt.”
Cart Driver: “The horse can’t do that for you, but it can take your burden to the market! How does that possibly make you feel?”
Man: “A lot lighter, and I will still fulfill my duty to my family! I don’t need to carry this pack anymore until I get to the market. Now I will have the energy to find a buyer who will give me the best price for the things in my pack.”
Obviously, there is a lot more to explore in the cart driver’s coaching session with his neighbor, but the shift from burden to load would undoubtedly make the session and trip more bearable for the neighbor.
Key Questions for Coaches Exploring Burdens and Loads
When the feeling of burden surfaces during a coaching session, coaches can use some of the following questions to explore further:
- What causes you to feel this burden?
- Do you feel that this burden stems from a responsibility (self-imposed) or duty (community-imposed)?
- If your burden comes from a sense of responsibility, what makes this responsibility so important to you?
- If your burden comes from a sense of duty, what responsibilities does your community have toward supporting you?
- What resources do you or your community have at your disposal to help you move from carrying a burden to carrying your load?
Burden vs. Load in Community
Burdens, whether self-imposed or other-imposed, bring heaviness to a client’s life and keeps them from being productive and happy community members. This feeling of being overwhelmed impacts not only the client’s well-being but also the well-being of the community to which they belong. A person’s sense of responsibility or duty will often keep them in a burdened state. Rather than trying to eliminate a sense of responsibility or duty to free them of the burden, a coach can help their client to clarify or reframe their perspective on perceived responsibilities and duties. This will allow the client to feel that they are an important contributor to the community while helping them to find ways to eliminate those things they are unwilling or unable to do for the community, returning them to a state of productivity and happiness.
References
Araujo, Marcos. “Are you carrying unnecessary weight?” Palavra de Sabedoria, June 10, 2020
Burden. Cambridge Dictionary. Accessed November 13, 2022.
“Galatians 6 : New International Version (NIV)”. Blue Letter Bible, Accessed November 13, 2022.
Kybalion: Chapter X. Polarity. Accessed November 13, 2022.
Load. Accessed November 10, 2022.
Lyon, Sofia. What Exactly Is “Western Culture”? - The Bottom Line UCSB. February 23, 2020,
“Romans 13 :: New International Version (NIV)”. Blue Letter Bible, Accessed November 13, 2022.