A Coaching Power Tool By Kristin Oberweger, Life Coach, AUSTRIA
DIS-Covering vs. Covering Explanation
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DIS-Covering vs. Covering Allows: Guides Us To: |
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To show up with my personality |
Having the feeling of not being (enough) self-empowered |
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Living self-transcendence to reach an overarching goal |
Being focused on money/luck/love…. The overarching (meaningful) goal is not clear/missing |
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Protecting my boundaries, values |
Sometimes living over one’s limits – body, energy…. Neglecting boundaries |
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Seeing Vulnerability as a strength |
Vulnerability as a threat |
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Recognizing potentials – bringing them outside, living them |
Fulfilling other people’s potentials/dreams… |
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Living authenticity |
Fight for own beliefs/values vs. dominant values of other people |
My Own Reflection Work During Coaching as a Client: Dis-Covering vs. Covering
What Is the History or Origin of the Negative Concept You Have Chosen?
In coaching transformation always takes place. One of my main goals as a coach is to help people to show up with their personality and authenticity; so that they can understand that showing up with one’s own values is the shortest way to a happy life.
The origin of the power tool is my own reflection work during coaching as a client. So far I was very much neglecting my values at my workplace and therefore nearly got into burnout. Today as I have DIS-covered my strongest values I feel much more authentic and relieved – also “grown-up” – as I learned to use my values as a valuable guideline for me and my family.
How Does It Show Up in Society as a Whole? Are There Certain People Affected by It?
I think covering own values and mindsets is especially a women’s trap. We sometimes tend to prioritize harmony over integrity. The avoidance of all kinds of conflicts does not help in the end to live with full integrity and to come from a place of strength to handle challenges.
What Are the Main Consequences of Thinking or Acting From This Perspective?
The main consequences are that we cannot follow our overarching goal(s), which we could find with a mindful approach to the world. After a while these (aimless) persons get the feeling that they live “other’s lives” and they feel somehow lost and also might fall into Viktor E. Frankl’s so-called “noogenic” depression. A depression where clients cannot see their contribution, their meaning in life (anymore).
Have You Had Any Personal Experience of This Negative Perspective?
Personally, I made the experience that I did not live my personal goals and values as a hotel manager for many years – but due to my studies of Viktor Frankl’sLogotherapy – I do understand myself much better now – and my values, and overarching goals. In my former business life, I always tried to fulfill others’ expectations – a feeling like “living other lives” – or covering myself with all these foreign expectations. UN-covering and DIS-covering my personality was a major game changer and mindset changer for me. Therefore I would like to support clients who do DIS-cover themselves.
Why Have You Chosen It as the “Flipped” Perspective?
Because the picture of covering something and discovering is a very strong one. It is instantly clear what the intention of this tool is going to be. Discovering or uncovering one’s personality is always the main goal in coaching; to let the transformation happen or to support the client-finding solutions that are driven by their own mindset and values and not by outside expectations.
Clients who have the feeling of a “remote” life – feeling more or less a victim of circumstances, colleagues, family members… spend a lot of time thinking about these negative circles.
However getting the awareness of being the pilot of his/her own life and breaking through former negative circles gives more time for being in the present, for being connected with oneself, and therefore to become more successful at the search for meaning in one’s life. As Viktor E. Frankl says: there is a meaning objectively findable in every moment – in the sum of connected meaning and later on in the meaning of your whole life.
What Are the Anticipated Consequences of Thinking or Acting From This Positive Perspective?
A client who can live his/her authenticity/integrity/values is highly connected to him or herself. Therefore, a client can much more easily make decisions, follow goals and live his/her values.
As well as the client may develop a growth mindset.
Confronting the client with the observation that there might be external expectations leading can help the client to realize the difference between internal and external motivations. DIS Covering one’s personality and developing the braveness to show up with one’s own values will support self-trust, self-transcendence and self-consciousness as well.
The following questions will support this Power Tool:
- When reflecting: “I do sense some conflict here… as you told me about…..but your emotion is showing me something else….
- What could help you to express your real opinion?
- Who could help you to remind you of your values?
- What is holding you back from showing up/expressing your values….?
- I sense that there might be some strong reasons from outside holding you back – what is your inner voice whispering/saying/trying to scream out?
- I would invite you to dive deeper into your values and I could provide a valuable worksheet – would you like to know yourself better?
I found the following worksheet for Values (accreditation: Circle of excellence, Worldwide Business Intelligence) very valuable in my own coaching as a client – therefore I would like to share it with you:
TYPES OF VALUES There are two types of Values:
- General Values
- Core Values
General values are concepts, principles, and ideals that we seek to incorporate into our lives. Core Values are the emotions that sit underneath general values and these are the values we are going to be working with.
“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” Roy Disney AREAS OF VALUES
There are two AREAS OF VALUES:
- Lifetime Values
- Recent (past 3-4 months)
Values Life values are the values parents, teachers, caregivers, and the community instill in us. These may be largely unconscious and their validity unquestioned. Recent values are ones that may have changed over time. We might be focused on a relationship (Core value: Love or Connection) or on work (Core value: Contribution or Wealth) at different times in our lives.
Values are emotions/feelings that we want to move towards. It is important for us to know what these are so that we can live an authentic and meaningful life. Not knowing what these values are can lead us to experience internal conflict if we make choices that are not coherent with our values.
POSITIVE VALUES PROCESS Values List (Add any that may be true for you)
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Abundance |
Solitude |
Gratitude |
Security |
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Wealth |
Commitment |
Peace |
Accountability |
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Achievement |
Spirituality |
Openness |
Wisdom |
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Faith |
Energy |
Harmony |
Joy |
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Self Awareness |
Recognition |
Justice |
Diversity |
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Non Violence |
Equality |
Growth |
Health |
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Confidence |
Optimism |
Challenge |
Sensuality |
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Adventure |
Creativity |
Truth |
Romance |
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Relaxation |
Healing |
Self Mastery |
Resourcefulness |
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Learning |
Love |
Self Trust |
Change |
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Individuality |
Independence |
Sincerity |
Integrity |
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Prosperity |
Belonging |
Balance |
Honour |
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Leadership |
Freedom |
Communication |
Fun |
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Love |
Compassion |
Connection |
Beauty |
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Honesty |
Nurturing |
Goodness |
Excellence |
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Discipline |
Unity |
Intimacy |
Service |
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Loyalty |
Intensity |
Responsibility |
Respect |
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Determination |
Community |
Risk |
Trust |
Q1. What has been important to you over your whole life?
Q2. What has been important to you over the last 3 – 4 months?
(Make a list of values in each of these areas. No more than 4 – 5 in each area. Rank your values combining these two categories)
VALUE (Whole Life)
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3.
4.
5.
SCORE VALUE (Important now).
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
SCORE RANKING OF VALUES
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Feedback from Clients/My Experience:
In my experience, your client has to be openhearted and open to diving deeper into value work. If there is still some shame/anger/biases – we have to look at these obstacles first. Maybe the client knows that he/she lives to neglect his own values and feels e.g. shame for it. Having a closer look and being honest with oneself needs courage and openness!
In addition, I started using the tool between two coaching sessions after a while. E.g. looking at the obstacles in the first session and inviting to deal with the worksheet in silence at home. The best output is reachable when having another look at the value ranking the next day and bringing the output to the next coaching session.
In the next step, I ask the client how the feelings were while diving deeper into his/her values; clarifying a goal for the session, and working deeper with the values. As far as the client wants. So far, every client enjoyed experiencing the relief of coming from COVERED to a DISCOVERED feeling.
References
Circle of excellence, Worldwide Business Intelligence
Viktor E. Frankl: “The unheard cry for meaning Psychotherapy & Humanism” 1978
Elisabeth Lukas: “Lehrbuch der Logotherapie” 2014